Happy Third Father's Day, Papa Gabe!

"My dad is tops!" Father's Day morning.

Lucas composes a special Father's Day song
for daddy and grandpa.

Lucas is happy with his composition!

 Today is Father's Day and we started the day by giving daddy a new outfit and a card.  Lucas wore his "My dad is tops" shirt and I wore a gray dress so that the whole family could match.  We then walked to church and Gabriel received a popcorn treat which they passed out to all dads in attendance.  Lucas and I headed to the infant and toddler area after worship songs but he was very fussy the whole time.  I am not sure what the trigger for his meltdowns are because they seem to occur so randomly.  It is hard to read his mind and decipher what he wants/needs or is causing him discomfort.  He calmed down when I left the room and took him near the water fountain - his favorite.  Just like his baby videos, water seems to get him hypnotized.  I ran into another mom with a child with autism and from what she has told me, Garvey and Rosemead school districts don't have a lot in the way of special needs services. Thank God I am in the Montebello district and although I heard awful reviews about its schools, the special needs program seems to be tops.  We will be starting summer school at the end of June for 2 hours per day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Hmd0XfCH1c&list=UUha9MeoPbTYNt6EmydvwfWw

We took the in laws for lunch at Koreatown plaza for Father's Day.  Of course, we wanted to treat but my mother in law insisted, as always, on paying.  They even returned the money we gave them for Mother's Day.  It seems money just gets pushed between us for various occasions. Lucas played at the family lounge at Koreatown made kid friendly while grandpa and Gabriel enjoyed their coffee on a bench.   We later hung out a bit at their place and Lucas took to the piano, pounded away at the keys and seemed to be having a great time - in contrast to church in the morning.  My mother in law is either in denial or not fully understanding the extent of Luki's disability.  Today, she kept saying that "he is just a little bit delayed.  He will grow up and go to college..."  Hello? What?  I need to find some literature of Dup15 Syndrome in Korean and give it to her.  She doesn't seem like a person who can take that kind of news very well - a very anxiety ridden person.  I wonder if she will support who is he or be the type to find blame with me, accusing me of bad genes? poor parenting? Who knows with her, she seems so illogical.  It is hard to tell with her but she makes me feel anxious just being around her. It's not like she is supporting us now - except for occasional baby sitting.  She even refuses to step into our house for baby sitting and insists on playing with Lucas at the mall.  Why doesn't she want to come to my home?  I keep my home clean and neat and yes I have two cats but they are well tended to. Her refusal to baby sit Luki at my home bugs me a lot!.

On our way back home, we stopped by Ralph's for some groceries and I noticed the lady in front of me at check out with a boy about 5 or 6 years of age who seemed to have developmental delays.  He had a hard time controlling him while he was impulsively grabbing gum packets by the cashier.  I could sense her frustration and maybe even some embarrassment at how he was acting. I wanted to tell her "I have one of these kids, too, I know how you are feeling so don't be embarrassed." But, I didn't.  I just watched and wondered if Lucas would be as uncontrollable and impulsive when he got to that age. How will our lives be at that future time?  Will we be happy?    On the drive back come, when things got really quiet with Lucas asleep, I wondered why my life has been filled with so many people with "disabilities" and I mentally listed off my family from my dad, mom, brothers, cousins...all who are/were not quite able to get their lives in full working order.  Something never seemed right with any of these people and I felt to be the only one sort of "making it".  I thought of the dream I had a while ago  wherein my whole family and I were running a marathon but one by one, everyone tapered off either from exhaustion, injury or just giving up.  Eventually, I saw nobody on my right or left and found myself running alone.  Back in the car, I wondered if my life purpose was being around disabled (in one form or another) people.

We event visited Gabriel's grandmother,Luki's
 great grandma,also at Rose Hills.

I pray God provide for my family's future and safekeeping.  The future is just too much to think about at times.  I really want to focus day to day and feel the purpose of the time I have with Lucas is not to fret and worry about Lucas but fill each day with joy and laughter.  Instead of saving money to have a full bank account, I will be using money for fun vacations and going on holidays to create wonderful memories.  This, I believe, is the purpose of Luki's disability.

 Yesterday, we took Lucas to Rose Hills to lay flowers by my dad's resting place.  I wasn't really thinking of going but Gabriel had mentioned it and so we went.  I hadn't realize it was my dad's birthday and noticed June 14 as his birthday on the grave marker.  For a few days, I had the song "Danny Boy" in my head and would sing it for no reason.  I never sing this song but it was a song my day sang quite a bit.  I am wondering if my dad was getting into my brain and reminding me to visit his grave.

Lucas has a moment with hal a ba ji on Father's Day.