And a Sword will Pierce Your Heart, Also.

Lessons in Leadership and Attitude.

Do you ever experience moments of "oh, I wish I would have said that" after an argument or when someone puts you down with their words or after the facts? In late January of 2021, I was given an opportunity to apply for a job as a relief charge nurse on our unit (again). The turnover for this position was quite high and since I've worked in the unit for almost 12 years, this position has been opened more than 5 times. Nobody seemed to stick around. I wasn't very open to applying in the past as I liked working as a floor nurse taking the time to care for my patient load, minding my own business, helping out other nurses and staff when needed, staying out of trouble and although tired and exhausted, happily clocking out to go home. This time, for some reason  I felt nudged to apply and take on more responsibilities in my position at work. I tried to ignore the feeling but every morning as I opened my Good Earth and Yogi brand tea bags that have pithy messages, I would recurrently find messages full of "change" and "participation" The first one read, "Change is the essence of life. Surrender who you are for what you could become" - Reinhold Niebuhr. Another one read, "Life is a flow of love, your participation is requested".

 A few months back, a few coworkers hinted that I would do well in that position and that I should apply. At the time, I was hesitant and the position was given to someone else only for that person to finish training then resign from the position. A sign from God that maybe it is being reserved for me? It was a panel job interview comprising of two union reps, my unit manager, nurse educator and another unit charge nurse. On my drive over to the interview, it had just finished raining and I saw the most lovely rainbow right in front of me and I took it as a sign that all was well and that I am on the right path, careerwise. Even before the interview, the rainbow let me know I had already been given the job. 

 It was a pretty long interview which lasted an hour. One of the question that was asked was to describe a patient encounter which left a lasting impact on me. When under the hot seat, the most emotionally charged memory comes to mind and I shared an experience when I used therapeutic listening for a daughter of a stubborn patient who refused help and fell at home thus injuring herself and landing in the hospital. This encounter stuck in my mind as I also have a stubborn mother who does not listen to my wise counsel and lands herself in trouble. We were both experiencing the same emotions of frustration at our mothers and it was a healing exchange for both of us to commiserate in our shared experience. In hindsight, I wish I had shared two very special people I took care of that left an impression on me of good leadership and right attibute. 

 A man in his 60's with chest pain came in for a stress test to be scheduled in the morning. As I performed night time care for him, we talked about his family and what he did for a living. He told me he was a foreman for a construction company (somewhat like a charge nurse). He shared how many of his employees drink away their paychecks while their wifes and children went without. This deeply troubled him and although limited in his capacity to force behavior changes, I appreciated his loving and caring presence and nudgings and I hope it left good impressions on the people working under him. As a foreman, he could have just not cared and dismissed their behavior as none of his business. Who cares how others live their lives and who they hurt? But, I'm glad there are people like him in the world that genuinely care and are troubled my suffering and injustices of the world. Just like nursing, leadership is an art form. From him, I learned about the style of leadership that I want to emulate which takes into account caring and respect.

Another meaningful experience I remember is a recent one with an elderly 83 year old woman admitted for COVID and GI issues. She was worried about her new diagnosis but even more so for her daughter, her sole caretaker, who was awaiting her COVID test results. She didn't know who would take care of her if her daughter tested positive. We talked thoughout the night, anxiously waiting for a phone call from her daughter with news. In the thick of our discussion as I "tucked" her into bed, she complemented me on how beautiful my eyebrows were done. I was in full isolation gear with double masks, face shield, head covering and an isolation gown. The only part of me that was revealed was my eyes and eyebrow. In the height of her anxiety and suffering, she took the time to complement another and I wondered had I been in her shoes, would I be able to look beyond my own problems and see the beauty in someone/something else. Such a small comment made her appear less of a victim of life's circumstances and as someone who was reclaiming some of her personal power back. From her I learned about having the right attitude in all things and to look for the good in others even in the midst of my own suffering rather than being myopic with my own problems because immense strength and power lies in that.

Oh, and by the way, I got the job!