An Earth Angel in Disability.

As a mother of a child who is nonverbal, I sometimes imagine having a "conversation" with my 7 year old son.  Once, when I was worrying about his happiness and safety with no means of asking him what it feels like to be "him", I had a dream where he spoke to me so clearly. He said with impatience,"Mom, stop worrying so much, I am happy and I love you."  It felt so good to hear him even only through a dream and  to hear that he is happy and he loves me is all I really want and need to hear, ever.

Over the years, my understanding of the spiritual world and humanity's purpose on this Earth has gradually been veering  away from some of the dogmatic religious teachings I professed.  And yet, in another sense, it is also convicting me more of a loving God, life in a heavenly realm, being true to who I am and the importance of living a fulfilling/loving life.  I thank the below-mentioned ladies who are master teachers and beautifully awakened souls who come to gently heal and teach broken souls like myself.

So, from my previous blogs, it's obvious I consult with "intuitives" to figure out my kid better.  They have been as valuable and insightful (and perhaps even more so) than doctors, therapists, teachers and researchers.  I've spoken to the best of the best from Lisa Williams, Michelle Whitedove, Venus Andrecht and recently, Rosemary Altea.  Rosemary is a clairvoyant whose book "The Eagle and the Rose" I've read many years ago and  who I've seen on the Oprah Winfrey Show. She works with an advanced soul who once incarnated in the world as a Native American healer by the name of Gray Eagle.  Like all masters in this field, along with the above mentioned ladies, she teaches workshops more than doing personal readings so it was such a treat to have my question read on her Youtube channel where she does live readings.

At 23:20 on the above video, Rosemary addresses a question regarding my Dup15q son.  (I am "JiJi" she refers to in the video).

"Hi I have a 7 year old intellectually disabled son. What is his life purpose and will he ever talk ? would it be a Good idea for me to have another child? Thank you"

This is Rosemary's answer:

"He's 7?  I'm looking to Grey Eagle.  Apparently, this little one he may be intellectually a little slow but his heart, his soul is light, is glorious and everyone he touches will gain something from him.. So, you know, I'm not sure if he is an Earth angel,. I will have to spend more time with Gray Eagle on that one but if he isn't, he comes pretty close which is amazing and  ... he will talk, give him time, give him space, give him a little patience, I wonder if he is not quite so intellectually less  as you might think think he is.. I think there is much more about him .Give him time."

I agree, I've never felt my son to have a true intellectual disability.  His processing his slow and there are limitations to what he can do due to physical impediments and a poor sensory processing capability but I've never felt as if he would act or think like a 2 year old which is what the  developmental assessment results indicate.  As Rosemary states, he is much more.   I agree.

As for the other question, it looks like maybe our family might be expanding....my choice....

Venus Andrecht , Lisa Williams and Michelle Whitedove have all said the same thing about my son: that he is a very special and evolved soul.  This is the first time hearing him be referred to as an Earth Angel and I like the sound of that! Many people in the disability community would argue that referring to the disabled as saintly, inspirational, angelic is inaccurate and ostracizes them even more as being "different" and "other".  So, I don't want to perpetuate this kind of stereotype and do harm to the cause, but this is what I have been told by many masters in the spirituality work. Maybe not all people with a disability are angelic, just mine.


In hindsight, I should have asked why such an evolved soul/Earth Angel came to this world with such a disability.  Perhaps she answered it when she said he is going to touch and influence people who get to know him.  Why not be born into an influential family with the best educational opportunities and means of influencing and changing the world?  Why through disability and "weakness".. I am reminded of the story of Jesus in the bible - in no way am I comparing my son to Jesus but many doubters of His time have wondered why the "King" would be born to a lowly carpenter and a peasant girl instead of into a powerful and influential family to bring about the great work of God in this world.  It's such a mystery and also very beautiful that God did it that way. 

It makes me feel blessed, special and happy to know that God had such confidence in me to entrust him to my care yet I feel so undeserving.  I wonder what He saw in me that made Him think me worthy?  Now, that's another question I could ask her on another podcast!   Call it woo woo.  Call me crazy but I like my son being called an Earth Angel.


May 30, 2019

Update: Part 2 of my question to Rosemary Altea.  At 33:55, JiJi asks another question for Rosemary:

​"I write for my 8 year old son . what is his life purpose and how I, as a mother, can help him achieve it and have the best life possible. Why was I chosen to be his mother?"

Click on link at 33:55 to hear her answer.   

 Here is a transcript:

...He is 8?  ....Alright, well, ok, what a wonderful mother you are first of all to be concerned about him.  It's very difficult for me to know  quite what to say to you because ... here is the thing.. if I were to actually tell you in great detail what his life purpose was going to be or why he was here and so on, as much as you would say to yourself "I am not going to influence him.as much as parents we don't want to influence him this way or that way, we would.  it's inevitable that we would, so I feel that certainly you were chosen to be his mother . You were chosen because life is not easy with this child, which is probably why you are asking this question. But, be there for him , ascertain when he shows certain attributes, encourage him in those attributes, as in when he will let you know, his soul will let him know  and he will let you know.  Pay attention to him.  Guide him and steer him.  Grey Eagle is saying specifically, as parents, we guide and steer our children in the ways of kindness and in the ways of gentleness because this is what will help him to blossom and this is what will help him to find his path.  If he sees kindness and gentleness in you, if he sees you applying kindness and gentleness to others...and remember, it's not what we say to our children but what we do is how they learn.  They watch us, they try to emulate us.  I'm sure I don't have to tell you this because I'm sure you already do show kindness and gentleness with this child. And, I'm also told that he is a very precious little boy.  So, I think you are doing what you can do.  I think you are going to be able to give him in his life what he needs when he needs it.  I see some tough times ahead but with you by his side, he can't possibly fail now can he? That's what I am being told.  Try not to be overprotective because it is easy to be overprotective when we have sensitive children, when we have children who need special care, special gentleness but I am going to say this to you, I applaud you for wanting to do everything you can for this child.  What you can do for him ...the only thing you can do for him is to allow him to be himself, allow him to grow.  There is a fine line between mothering and smothering .  I sometimes cross that line myself.  I am a bit of a smotherer when it comes to my grandson,....just allow him to be.  He will show you when you need to step in and help and encourage.  Just encourage him to be himself my love.  

June 6, 2019 Update:  Rosemary recently had a show on disability.  Hmmm.,...I wonder if my question had anything to do with the topic.

A little more about the purpose and characteristics of an earth angel as outlined in the hyperlink above:

What is an Earth Angel?

Earth Angels are spiritual beings born into physical form. They are born into the physical world at this point in time in which multiple timelines are merging in order to

• serve humanity and the earth
• assist all souls in the awakening and ascension process
• help in anchoring the timeline of light, love, and peace to bring the earth and humanity into the golden age of co-creation

Earth Angels are evolved spiritual beings. They are 7th and 9th dimensional Angelics incarnated into physical form. In order to be born as physical human beings, they lowered their vibration.

But here's the thing. They came programmed with a wake-up call. They were born with a time to awaken. This could be a series of happenings, lessons, or events in order to awaken their divine truth. Although they are physical beings, they retain the connection to their higher Angelic counterparts.

Really, all souls originate from the same Divine Source, but there are many different paths and paradigms souls can take which shape their characteristics, missions, and even personalities.

Earth Angels are people whose soul origins are from beyond Earth, and who have spent a great deal of time in the higher spiritual dimensions of love and light…

Earth Angels are those who have an overarching prayer and wish to bring peace, light and love to the Earth, humanity and all beings.

While everyone on Earth now is a spiritual being, not everyone is an Earth Angel. Earth Angels are highly spiritually evolved as souls, they vibrate with an incredible light, and have been called to Earth on a mission to serve as lightworkers.....As children, Earth Angels have a tendency to be diagnosed with various cognitive disorders because of their lack of concern for the material world.

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Special Needs Planning: Trusts, Government Benefits, Health Insurance, Conservatorships

Roberto Corral is a proud father to his son Julian, a young man with autism and he is also an associate member of the Special Needs Planning Institute, Inc., a non-profit organization whose focus is serving the special needs community. In 2003, Roberto was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy which resulted in him having a heart transplant during June, 2013 and changed his life path. He moved away from his occupation in the field of mortgage loans to completing the Special Education Advocacy Training program and is now the executive director of Corral Financial Strategies, a firm where he provides special needs planning, public benefits consulting, and related financial services.  Last Saturday, I attended an informational seminar hosted by the Down Syndrome group of the San Gabriel Valley where Roberto gave a talk on special needs trusts and other services available to families with special needs children.  Here is a summary of what he talked about:

The first and most important topic Roberto addressed is legal planning. In this section of the talk, he addressed the pros and cons of setting up a will, conservatorship, first party special needs trusts and third party irrevocable living special needs trusts.

1. Conservatorships:

Once a child turns 18, a parent can still make legal decisions for their child.  Roberto shared a story where a child bought a $2K TV for his girlfriend at BestBuy. When the parent found out, she was able to cancel the transaction. Conservatorship can also be important for reproductive rights, I sort of tuned out on this topic as Luki is only 7 years old and I still have time.  That's about what I retained about this topic. I was more interested in learning about government benefits and special needs trust which will cover the remainder of this blog post.

2. Wills:

 Wills need to go through the courts and a 10-20% fee is added on.  This is also made public records.  If money is left to a special needs child via a will, they won't qualify for SSI benefits because this would make their assets too high for eligibility.  SSI payments can be made after 18 years of age at a maximum of about $951.72 per month if one qualifies for low income which is capped at $2000 per year.  With money in the bank through inheritance from a will, the adult child would no longer be able to get the monthly SSI payments.  Some exceptions to this rule is having a house and life insurance payments which are not included as assets and income when calculating SSI eligibility.  Roberto gave an example of another negative of establishing  a direct will with the example as follows:

If $500,000 is bequeathed to a sibling with the understanding that half that amount will be used to care for the special needs sibling, there is no guarantee that the money will be safe for such a purpose.  What if the sibling gets divorced?  Half that money can go to a spouse.  Or, what if the sibling starts a business and then goes bankrupt?

3. First Party Special Needs Trust:

John shared the story of a child who won millions of dollars through a lawsuit related to the cause of his disability.  The money was put into a first party special needs trust since the money was made out to his name. In a first party special needs trust, the money is set aside for the child but in the event that the disabled child passes away, Medi-Cal will garner the remaining money in the trust somewhat as a payback for the services rendered through Medi-Cal during his lifetime.  If a lot of money still remains in the trust, then there is much to be lost back to the government.  A clause cannot be placed in this type of trust stipulating that Medi-Cal can't take the money. 

4: Third Party Irrevocable Living Special Needs Trust:

In a third party special needs trust, anybody but the disabled child can put money into the trust.  It cannot be changed except to change the trustee(parent) or beneficiary(child).  If the child passes away, a sibling can get the money.  In other words, the money will stay within the family, the government can't touch it, there are no taxes and the child can still qualify for SSI benefits.

5:  SSI and SSDI:

SSI eligibility is based on income.  One has to make less than $2000 per year to qualify for a maximum of $931.72 per month.  This is the bare minimum calculated to cover the cost of food and lodging for a month.

SSDI is social security money based on work history of 10 years.  One pays for this during their working years and gets it back when they retire.

6: :PASS program

I didn't really pay much attention to this topic as it applies mostly to adults 18-22 year of age.  However, click on the hyperlink and you can read more about it via the social security office.  As I understood it from Roberto, it allows 10-22 year olds to earn some money ( $7500/yr on top of the $2000 SSI cap) while going to college (at least 8 units per semester) and still qualify for the maximum SSI payment of $931.72 per month.


6: Private Insurance:

While dependent children can no longer be under their parent's health insurance after the age of 26; there is no such limit on children with disabilities and they can stay on their parents plans as long as the parents have health insurance through employment or have purchased health insurance on their own.  The premium, however, may be a bit more. 

7:  Other Financial Plans:

Roberto informed us about a few other savings plans offered through various organizations and banks but these have fees associated with them.  It seemed unnecessary for us to have because they don't accrue much interest and with inflation, the savings will not have the same purchasing power decades down the line as it would today.

One such program is the CalAble program click CalAble.  It is a federal program which allows SSI kids to get $15,000 per year with a $100,000 cap without affecting their eligibility for MediCal or SSI.  The Able account is based on the 529 plans which is to say it is run like a mutual fund or a savings account or 50:50 of each.  Two financial institutions TIA and Merrill Lynch manage these plans for a fee but they also give free financial consultations.

 So, if we want to hypothetically have a young adult use all the above resources, then he/she could earn $2000 (to qualify for SSI), $7500 through PASS program, $12,140 from family (there is no limit on how much they can get through a third party special needs trust) , $15,000 from the CalAble program and still qulaify for MediCal and SSI.

If none of the above plans are in place, the child will go into foster care. 

After the seminar, the one take home message I had was that I need to get life insurance.  We are not rich by any means and a life insurance policy would be the biggest fund for the third party special needs trust, I never liked to think about these things but I think it is time to get cracking.

Anybody have recommendations for a good life insurance policy?


I can't seem to get onto Roberto's website for some reason but here is a company that does Special Needs planning throughout the country.  Silver Tree Special Needs Planning

A Chance Encounter

"Lucy" has an 11 year old son with autism and she is living my worst nightmare.  She has been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia which turned acute 8 months ago.  She has been hospitalized and has received numerous chemotherapy and is suffering awful side effects from the treatments. She worries about the fate of her son if (or when) she dies and feels she has not prepared properly for his care when she passes on.  I write this blog with her permission but with a fictitous name as I was her nurse for 12 hours at night.  When I told her I had an intellectually disabled son, I felt as if she had finally connected back to civilization after being on a deserted island for many years.  We shared stories the whole night about our difficult childhoods, God's will, what we are learning from our sons and the worries we have for them when we are no longer here on Earth.  She has her sister and mother who take great care of her and love her very much but they cannot understand what is in her heart as a mother to a special child like another mother in the same situation.

I gave Lucy as much information on the various resources to help her such as respite, Regional Center, In Home Supportive Services, ABA, special needs trusts, Ability First programs and she took copious notes with wide eyes and seemed to consume every single word I spoke. She said she was so depressed about her situation and cried out to God the night before for some help for her son while she is trapped in a sick body and stuck in a hospital room for months.  She felt I was the answer to her prayer when I shared my son's story.   Her sister seemed annoyed that Lucy was trying to take care of her son's needs when at this time she felt she should be trying to recover from her own leukemia . I totally agree with her but to tell a mother on the brink of death to just not worry about an intellectually disabled son is an impossible thing to do and only creates more anxiety and hopelessness.  I felt I was giving her relief from worries by letting her know that there were so many resources out there for her son and that he can be taken well care of. This is what I mean when I refer to this  being an isolating experience because other around us (even those who love us dearly) cannot fathom what we are feeling and what we really need to hear.

When morning came, I wasn't sure if I would see Lucy again but my parting words to her were those of healing for her own body.  She seemed sad to see me go. I held her hand and told her to repeat the manta. "I am healthy. I am whole" and to really believe it and visualize it into reality.

Have I prepared enough for my death? No, I'm not dying but the future is guaranteed to no one. I am attending a special needs trust seminar this Saturday which I have signed up for weeks ago.  How appropriate that I have met Lucy this week.  Perhaps, this chance encounter is a sign from Spirit that I also need to prepare.   Lucy said I was an inspiration but she has also woken me up to realities that I turned my head away from.

Recent Publications on Dup15q

Brain-wave patterns distinguish dup15q syndrome


Identification of a distinct developmental and behavioral profile in children with Dup15q syndrome

http://jestelab.org/dup15q/

https://dup15q.org/a-phase-1-randomised-placebo%e2%80%91controlled-dose-escalation-study-to-investigate-the-safety-tolerability-and-pharmacokinetics-of-cannabidiol-in-fed-healthy/

https://dup15q.org/stereotactic-laser-anterior-corpus-callosotomy-for-lennox%e2%80%90gastaut-syndrome/

https://dup15q.org/quantitative-gait-analysis-in-duplication-15q-syndrome-and-nonsyndromic-asd/

https://dup15q.org/autism-gene-ube3a-and-seizures-impair-sociability-by-repressing-vta-cbln1/

https://dup15q.org/a-quantitative-electrophysiological-biomarker-of-duplication-15q11-2-q13-1-syndrome/

https://dup15q.org/research/crispr-and-dup15q-syndrome/

Open-label Use of Highly Purified CBD (Epidiolex®) in Patients with CDKL5 Deficiency Disorder and Aicardi, Dup15q, and Doose Syndromes

Latest published work on the effects of epdiolex on Dup15q yndrome

2018: Ahn Family Year in Review.

2018 Ahn family year in review on youtube...and that's a wrap!

Questions from Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim

Currently, I am reading and studying the book Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim. Buy book here. The back cover of the book states that "... Diane Dokko Kim comes alongside you as a fellow special-needs parent to help reconcile the premise of a good God with the devastating realities of raising a disabled child".  I am in the middle of the book but decided to write down all the questions at the end of each chapter to ponder and answer at a future date.  It would be nice to share the answers with other parents in a small group setting of a church  but currently, we are not attending church since our move last month.  I miss our old small group of special needs parents back in Rosemead.  We are still "church shopping" and I pray we will find belonging soon.

Sometimes, especially in the beginning of this journey, it is hard even to formulate the questions one needs to be asking.  These questions help to get the mind thinking and sort out feelings, clarify our attitude towards a diagnosis and discover where one stands with God.  Diane states that "suffering is a blaze that either purifies untested faith or melts it down and dissolves in completely". Hmm...I wonder where my faith will be in the end.


I'm not sure why I felt having an intellectually disabled child was the worst thing that could ever happen to my family when in hindsight, I recognize fates just as bad or worse.  There are families that have children living with cancer.  A mother once lamented to me that her son was extremely belligerent and oppositional defiant to anything she says.  There are parents whose hearts are broken in pieces because their child is in jail for murder, rape, theft, gang affiliations, drugs.  There are parents whose children are missing or murdered.  It's really unfair to say one suffers more.  It all hurts in different ways but pain is pain.  "The world breaks everyone and afterward some are strong at the broken places" (Ernest Hemingway) ...And some are just broken.  We all are presented with unique opportunities to find out who we are and where we stand with God.

It's easy to justify my suffering by saying I didn't sign up for this particular experience.  Why me? Why did this happen?  But maybe I did sign up for it and I just don't remember it.  Maybe it was all agreed upon with God, the angels and my spirit before I ever incarnated into this physical world.  Maybe it was agreed that this would be one of  my assignments here on Earth.  I've heard it said that the Earth is like a classroom with various grades and levels of difficulties.  Some souls are here learning at an elementary level while others are working on a level of a PhD.  The course I am on has been tough and full of pain and sorrow. That’s not to say that more suffering equals a higher level of understanding, maybe one is just suffering with nothing gained.  I wonder what my "grade" is...

Anyway, without further adieu, here are the questions.



Chapter 1: Good News, Great Fear. "Do not be afraid!"


1. What was your initial reaction-thoughts or feelings- to the news of your child's diagnosis? How did you respond?
2. what are your biggest fears or worries for your child's future and that of your family?
What is your "Bethlehem"? What are the next steps you can take to support your child and family while working on your faith?


Chapter 2: What more could I have done?


1.  In what significant or unique ways did you prepare for your child's arrival?
2. How have you had to adjust your expectations and plans for your child and family?
3. How is God shaping your character or challenging your ideals about parenting?


Chapter 3: Wrecked: From Hallowed to Hollowed "This Is Not the Way It's Supposed to Be!"


1. What were some initial indications of "Something's just not right" in your child's development?
2. What "should have been" do you grieve the loss of? What expectations, hopes, or dreams do you fear can no longer be?
3.What "new thing" might God be building for you?  What work of rebuilding and redemption is God working in you?


Chapter 4: Permission to Grieve. "Where do I go with my pain?"


1. In what ways are you processing your pain, anger or grief? Where or to whom have you turned? Are there healthier or more productive alternatives to foster emotional healing?
2.Have you given yourself permission to grieve? Have you told God honestly how you feel, or do you feel unable to turn to Him?
3.  Take a moment to list all your areas of grief and perceived loss, Speak authentically and honestly with God, knowing He understands and shares your pain. 


Chapter 5: Leaning In, Not Away.  Angry "with" God


1. What circumstances or settings trigger extreme reactions for you?
2. Are you angry at God or with Him? How would they look different for you?  In being angry with God, what might you think, feel, say, or do differently?
3. Who or what can help you safely work out your feelings of grief and being overwhelmed? Identify safe people or places where you can retreat.


Chapter 6: Writing Our Own Psalms. "Don't You care, God?"


1. Where do you go with your anger? Have you directed your feelings up? Or have you been leaking sideways? Where or to whom might your grief be unfairly spilling?
2. Which of the psalms resonates most with you? Which    verse might you claim as your own?
3. Write out your own book of psalm - real, raw, and unpolished.  What will you heave heavenward before the Lord?


Chapter 7: Our Personal Peniel.  "Broken" Child, Broken Parent.


1.  In what ways are you broken?  Over which wrenched expectations do you wrestle with God? Which blessings are you demanding to be restored?
2.  What is God working to wrest out of you, to create space for new blessings he wants to pour into you?  What greater work might He be trying to accomplish through your struggle?
3.  How is your faith, character, identity or purpose being challenged or transformed through your child?  What blessings or insights have you gleaned?


Chapter 8: Trapped by the Impossible.  "Did You lead us out here to die?"


1. Recall a past "Red Sea" experience - a personal storm or time of barrenness- where you felt trapped.  What did you find on the other side?  What past providences reassure you of God's future faithfulness?
2.  What pressing impossibilities do you face today?  What do you feel trapped by?  What merciful redirection might providence be leading you to?
3.  How is God working on your character, motivations, and faith through "impossible" situations to prepare you for greater things to come?


Chapter 9: Couldn't vs. Wouldn't.  "If only You Had Done Something!"

1.  What are your "if onlys" where you wish God would intervene?  When your desires don't appear to align with God's plan, what else might He be seeking to accomplish?
2.  Which is more difficult to accept, that God can heal or that He won't?
3. What higher purposes, unexpected blessings, or gifts are being revealed in your faith, character, family, and/or community through God's "noncompliance"?


Chapter 10: Good Gifts.  "Why won't You fix this? Don't You care?"

1. How do you define a "good" gift?  In contrast, how would God define a good gift?
2.  Reflect on a previous season of trials.  What unexpected "good gifts" or blessings came from them?
3.  What situations do you wish God would fix?  What is your perspective on discipleship through hardships?  How can we trust in God's goodness despite feelings and circumstances that tempt us to conclude otherwise?
4. How is God disciplining and maturing you through your present struggles? What "harvest of righteousness" is being born through them?  What good - "that which He loves" - is God accomplishing, by permitting that which He hates?

Chapter 11: Close to the Brokenhearted.  "Why Won't God Intervene?"

1. Reflect on a time when your child was struggling.  Did you intervene immediately or wait? Why? What wisdom or benefit was there to withholding immediate help?
2.  Who are the spiritual siblings you can lean on for backup?
3.  If He does not intervene immediately, what might He be up to instead?  What might God be developing in you in the meantime?


Chapter 12:  Lord, Pick Someone Else!  "Me?  A Special-Needs Parent?"

1.  In what ways do you feel "unqualified" for special-needs parenting?
2.  How is God stretching and shaping you to grow and overcome your shortcomings?  How is He qualifying you for the call?  What is one area where you can exercise stepping out in faith and obedience, despite feeling inadequate?
3.  In what ways has God already proven that He is greater and more than sufficient to cover your inadequacies?


Chapter 13: Unschooled and Ordinary Men.  "But I'm not qualified for This!"

1.  What do you fear most about parenting your child with special needs: Call out your fears and name them.
2.  Are you hiding out in fear or avoidance? How, where, and why?
3.  Do you perceive God's voice of comfort seeking you out?  In what practical ways can you respond?


Chapter 14: Our Liabilities Leveraged.  "I'm the wrong parent for this child!"

1.  In what unique "peculiar" ways has God hardwired you that bless and serve your child well?  What liabilities can God leverage into assets?
2.  What's the best surprise blessing your child has brought into your life?
3.  How is God using special-needs parenting to mold you in your faith, character, and relationships?


Chapter 15: Have to vs. Get to.  "But I don't want to be special"

1.  In what situations do you find yourself wishing, "Why can't we be like everybody else?"  What can help you cope with this sense of "otherness"?
2.  Do you view your child's disability as a dubious distinction, a divine designation, or both?
3. What unexpected blessings, experiences, or testimonies have emerged from "getting" to be a special-needs family?


Chapter 16: An IEP for Me.  "Why me? It's not fair!"

1.  In what areas are you tempted to compare your life with others?  What feels "unfair" to you right now?
2.  What are unique areas of weakness God might be working on?  What goal, skill, or behavior is God working into your spiritual IEP?
3.  In what ways is God speaking to you, "What about him/her/them?  You must follow Me. "


Chapter 17: The Fellowship of Otherness.  "No One Understands!"

1.  What unique challenges do you face that you wish others understood better?
2.  What can you do to fight feelings of isolation or loneliness.   Who or where is your safe place?
3.  In what unexpected ways has God shown that He sees you (El Roi God)? How has He demonstrated His ever-present care for you?
4.  Have you connected with other special-needs parents who "get" what you're going through? If not, what might be your next step to connect with others?


Chapter 18: Compassion: Suffering with.  "Sit with Me, for I Am overwhelmed"

1.  What well-intended cliches, unhelpful comments, or unintended slights have you endured?  What do you wish had been said or done instead?
2.  Who do you have to "sit and keep watch" with you?  To walk alongside, support, and pray for you?
3.  Why is it difficult to accept help-much less ask for it-even when we are legitimately overwhelmed?  How might God be challenging that resistance?
4.  What might be the next step in establishing a support network for you, emotionally and practically?  What's the next best thing you can do?
5.  What would be  your dream list for practical help?  Write down your secret wish list.  Prayerfully consider sharing the list with trusted friends or family who desire to help but my not know how.


Chapter 19: Jesus, Plus.  "It this it?  Or should we expect something else?

1.  What other "plus" benefits, in addition to salvation, did you expect?  What unspoken expectations do you now feel disability excludes you from?
2.  What other purposes or "places of healing" might God be working to deliver in your life?
3.  How might God be repurposing your "pluses" or idealized expectations to experience that which only He can deliver?  Where is God trying to redirect your attention-new blessings you may be unable to recognize-due to your insistence on the pluses?


Chapter 20:  When God won't behave.  "Never, Lord!"

1.  Are you committed to holiness over happiness?  Do you insist on how Jesus should save or deliver you, or surrender to His higher purposes?
2.  How is God repurposing your struggles to mold you into the image of Christ?  How does suffering aid the process of sanctification?
3.  What is an example of having every worldly comfort or luxury but lacking eternal peace and significance?  Conversely, recall a prior experience of personal hardship or suffering that was paradoxically marked by the joy and transcendent peace of Christ.

Chapter 21:  Life, Hijacked and Imprisoned.  "What has happened to me...?"

1.  What feels like "imprisonment" or limitations on your life today?  Grief, frustrations, or hijacked ambitions?  List them out and surrender them before the Lord.
2.  What greater work is God accomplishing through these "chains"?  What greater gifts might He be cultivating in the confines of your parenting.
3.  Who are the Praetorian guards - friends, family, and community- who stand watch from front-row seats to your life:  They bear witness to what God is doing in your family.  What difference do they see in your countenance?

Chapter 22:  Losing Our Way Along the Way.  "What do we do now?"

1.  Where are you in your walk with the Lord?  Are you actively seeing, stumbling, or stopped as a result of your child's diagnosis?
2.  How is Jesus drawing near and walking alongside you in ways you haven't recognized?  What prevents you from recognizing His presence with you?
3.  What questions, confusions, or doubts burn in your heart?  What truth or clarity is God breathing into your current chaos?


Chapter 23:  A Secure Surrender.  "I can never die"

1.  What hinders you from trusting that God has plans to "prosper" you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"? How can you respond to God's invitation to surrender worry about your child's future and experience His peace?  What would surrendering control and being at peace look like?
2.  How do you distinguish between your responsibility and God's sovereignty?  What are the parts only you can do versus what only God can do?
3.  What scriptures can you claim in faith for your child's future?

Chapter 24:  Crisis and culpability.  "Why was he born this way?"

1.  In what areas have you been suffering from guilt?  What regrets or fears have plagued you regarding your child's disability?  What does the Word of God say?
2.  What are the next steps you need to take for yourself, for your child, and for your family?  Focus on what you need to do now rather than on factors you cannot change.
3.  How is the redemptive work of God being displayed through your child's life?  How is the grace of God being displayed in yours?

Chapter 25: Believing, Despite "What is the work of God?"

1.  In what other areas can you experience miraculous healing?  In what areas can you exercise faith where it's hardest"  How might it look to choose hope over despair?
2.  How can you go about seeking spiritual food that does not spoil?  How can you curb your appetites to prioritize your soul, the spiritual over the physical and material?
3.  How is God redefining your definition of miracle or blessing.  Are there other significant miracles God has provided that you may have overlooked due to fixating on dramatic, physical healing?  What blessings are others experiencing through your child o family?  Take a moment to give thanks for these.


Chapter 26:  Dumb Questions.  "What do you want me to do for you?"

1.  What do you want Jesus to do for you?  Do you want to get well. not just your child to be healed?  Are you equally urgent for your own spiritual healing and strength?  God already knows what we seek.  But He delights to hear from us, however halting or awkward our prayers may be. 
2.  What awkward questions is Jesus asking you?  What deeper need or hidden disability of the heart is He probing and prompting you to address?
3.  How is prayer and conversation with God deepening your dependence on Him ?

Chapter 27: Low Expectations.  "what good could come from this?"

1. Name a past situation you dismissed as hopeless that God transformed into an unexpected blessing.  How has a death or loss ended up being life-giving instead?  List the ways God has used past pains to birth present blessings.  Let these remind you of His faithfulness over today and tomorrow.
2.  What expectations have you dismissed as hopeless?  What do you struggle to surrender?  Are there prayers you've given up on because you feel God is unresponsive, or because you've lost hope?
3.  What is God asking you to do today, despite your skepticism, despair, or resignation?  Is there an "envelope" you need to submit in faith? "What good could come from this?" Despite the pain of loss, what new thing might God be ushering in?

Chapter 28:  Kingdom currency.  "How can my child live a worthy life?"

1.  How does the "normal" world define success or markers of a valuable life?  In contrast, how does God's Word define blessing, success, or a life well lived?
2.  How have your values and perspectives been challenged or changed as a result of your child's disability?
3.  What is your greatest wish or prayer for your child's life, for your family, and for yourself?

Chapter 29:  Inconceivably More.  "How is this "blessed and Highly Favored"?

1.  Today, what "pierces your soul" with terror, hope, pain, and wonder?
2.  Identify a scripture to claim in advance, "to treasure and ponder" in your heart in the meantime.
3.  In what ways have you been surprisingly "blessed and highly favored: in your special-needs parenting journey?  How has God worked "for your good" (Romans 8:28), even now?