I came across a social media post by a mother of an intellectually disabled child asking for advice on how she can change people's negative and offensive attitudes towards her son. Someone had said something akin to calling him a "retard" and she wanted advice on how to handle the situation and educate the offender. Many parents chimed in on the comments section suggesting that she speak up for her child, educate the offender and be an advocate for her son and really let them have it. Some even suggested that she curse the jerk out and that if they were in her shoes, heads would be rolling. Do any of these advises really encourage people to change their minds and feel remorse for their attitudes? I don't think many people develop contrite hearts by being chastised. Just like children who roll their eyes at being reprimanded by their teachers or parents, the attempt to educate can backfire and the parent can end up being ridiculed, too. I have decided not to react to slights made against people with disabilities except when safety is at risk. The anger and hurt would just be wasted energy leaving me drained and negative. My only recourse for them to become more compassionate is for me to model the behavior I want to see in others by the love and care I show my son. If they see how well my son is taken care and loved even when he laughs inappropriately or makes strange sounds, my hope is they will come to see him in a more loving light themselves. Truth be told, loving someone who can't speak, has emotional meltdowns, requires constant care and safety measures, is prone to seizures, drools, can't control their bowel movements and can never give anything tangible back is not an easy thing to do. So, if my love for my son doesn't sway their hearts, nothing will. I can't make people think and feel what I want. I can't make people change their minds. I'm not sure if that is even my (or anybody's) job. People change only when they are internally compelled by something that touches them in a profound way. The other effective way to change people's views is by drastic draconian measures that leaves no room for independent thought or freedom. Who wants to live in a society like that? Not me.
That would be my advice, take it or leave it.
I wondered at times why God found it necessary to bring forth totally dependent and disabled souls into the world. I remember a vision I had of a sea of souls in heaven waiting to come to Earth and expecting their assignments for the duration of their lives. Some were granted wishes to be brilliant scientists, talented actors, gifted politicians. When God requested souls to come forth for the assignment of being totally dependent on the care and compassion of others for their survival so that people on Earth can come to experience their own compassionate selves, many turned their faces and hid from God. They cried out, "That is too hard an assignment! I'd rather be loved, rich, beautiful and admired! I want to be an architect! A movie star! A doctor! A scientist! Anything but that!" But, a few very rare and special souls stood up and said yes to God. They found the challenge very important in God's scheme of the Universe and they understood its importance more deeply than others. How completely they must have perfected the art of detachment from the ego to take up such a challenge! Can you imagine how God msut have felt for these souls at that moment? And, the parents must have also signed up for this experience, too even if that sounds completely absurd. We are all here to awaken and enlighten each other to our own great selves. Everyone and everything can be used for good.
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“We can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion. This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith. In this sense, there is no need for temple or church, for mosque or synagogue, no need for complicated philosophy, doctrine or dogma. Our own heart, our own mind, is the temple.
The doctrine is compassion. Love for others and respect for their rights and dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need. So long as we practice these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy.”
~ The Dalai Lama ~
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