The Second Lucas T. Ahn Family Scholarship

 I have finally picked a winner for the 2023 Lucas T. Ahn Scholarship. Congratulations, Nadia Wallace at the University of Tennessee! Luki May never attend university but that doesn’t mean his life didn’t help others achieve their dreams!

"Before Enlightenment: Chop Wood, Fetch Water. After Enlightenment: Chop Wood, Fetch Water."

In Korea as well as in other countries with a large Buddhist following such as Thailand and Japan, there is a tradition among Buddhist monks who take a vow of poverty and abstaining from all worldly possessions, walk among the people asking for alms; mainly, for a few coins or a bowl of rice with vegetables without animal proteins as they are vegetarian in reverence for the sanctity of all sentient beings. The monks would trek down from their temples located high up in the mountains to the cities where lay people live wrestling with various forms of suffering in their lives.   As a child, I remember hearing the sound of their wooden Mok Ttak - a handheld prayer drum carved out of apricot wood which makes a crisp, hollow sound and also hearing chants of Buddhist scriptures before seeing them in their unique gray garb, barefoot and with their faces hidden under big straw hats. They had a small bowl for a scoop of rice and some vegetables and nothing more. After receiving their offering, they would bow deeply, offer a prayer of blessing to the giver and gratitude for the offering and be off hitting their mok-ttaks and reciting their chants to the next house. As a child, I found their presence to be mysterious and otherworldly and didn't quite understand the motivation behind their practice.  

As I interpret it now, the monks were surviving off the grace and compassion of people.  They were offering people an opportunity to practice the virtues of compassion and generosity for another being who has taken a vow to disengage in worldly pursuits and devote their lives to the practice of elevating the consciousness of humanity.  Begging for food is a humbling experience and one which requires pride and ego to be set aside which is one of Buddhism's very important tenets. This motivation isn't so obvious to people of lesser spiritual growth who could not recognize an advanced and enlightened soul but has judged them just as a beggar and a nuisance to be shoo'ed away. And, I have witnessed some being badly treated by shopkeepers and laypeople who are resentful that while they work hard at earning a living, the monks are just freeloading off their diligence and effort and often heard groans of, "here he is again today....".  

What is the soul contract the monk has made with God to endure the hardships of this life?  

It goes to show that just because you become enlightened doesn't necessarily mean your life is made easier as stated in the Buddhist phrase, "Before enlightenment, chop wood, fetch water.  After enlightenment, chop wood, fetch water".  Like the profound ironies so beautifully written in the Dao, nothing is really different and yet everything has changed and the enlightened soul must still carry their cross even after exclaiming, "Eureka, I've got it!".

Today, as a mother of a child with Dup15q Syndrome, a condition which makes his independence impossible and without a clear and obvious role of his contribution to society, I ponder on the monks' practice and find a similarity to people like my son.  My son can be seen by some as a burden on society, too.  His survival and quality of life is solely dependent on the love and compassion of those around him. He requires great medical attention and 24 hour care, perhaps for the rest of his life.   Even just going to the dentist to fill a cavity is a major ordeal as he needs to be under general anesthesia.  The first dentist we consulted told us there is a 2 year wait period because my son's cavity is not deemed severe enough and the dentist has cases of kids with abscesses in their mouths with much worse conditions who get priority treatment. In the meantime, I worry and fret about possibly needing a root canal if the cavity does not get filled soon.  Luckily, after calling many dentists, we found one willing to fill his cavity within 1 month at an outpatient surgery center accompanied by nurses and an anesthesiologist.  He needs the aid of government agencies like Social Security and the Regional Center, health insurance for the provision of equipment/devices that help him function in society as well as individualized educational accommodations but most of all, he needs the love and acceptance from his school, church, family and the community. 

What is the soul contract my son has made with God to endure the sufferings of this life?

The monk. My Child. The rejection.  The love and respect.  An opportunity to practice compassion.  The realization of our higher spiritual consciousness.    Being able to see the bigger picture of life. The realization of our higher purpose on Earth. Witnessing the divine (and sometimes, not so divine) nature within people.... These are all beautiful things to witness, experience and from, grow.

This journey is no easy feat but what I focus on seems to grow bigger.  My focus is growing sharper every day as I learn and grow from the daily encounters with my son and the people who are involved in his care.  And I aim my focus on things that are beautiful and uplifting. 

Mantra of Light

Excerpt from a Reading with Summer McStravick

 

I wonder often about the meaning of Luki having Dup15q Syndrome.  Sometimes, nothing really makes sense and obsessing and overthinking about meanings can be exhausting and draining.  Recently, on the Dup15q family group page on Facebook, some asked, "What does believe mean to you".  "Believe" is the motto for this organization.  That is the exact question I needed to organize my thoughts and put it down into words below.  Funny how sometimes you have the answers but you don't quite know the question they answer.

This experience is what I believe it to be.  Nobody else's interpretation is as important as my own.  Whether I wallow in victimhood or see this experience as an opportunity for growth, other people's opinion on its correctness is irrelevant. So, let's make the most of it.  

1. I believe there are no mistakes or accidents. 

2. I don't believe people have special needs; rather, I believe people have basic human needs."  

3. I believe Lucas is a beautiful, evolved soul who incarnated into great disability for his, as well as everyone's, soul growth. 

4. I believe (as crazy as this sounds) that I chose this experience and made a contract with God even before I was incarnated to go through this experience for my own soul ascension and expansion.

5. I believe Lucas is more than his diagnosis and is capable of giving and receiving love and is capable of doing more than what his diagnosis assumes.  

6. I believe this experience entails heartbreak, hardship and difficulties along with moments of beauty and laughter but one day (perhaps not while on Earth) the reason for all the "why's" will all be revealed to me by God and I will be at peace with the reasons.  

7. I believe Lucas has a right to fair and appropriate education and is entitled to appropriate accommodations to meet his needs in society, as stated by law. 

Recently, I was lucky to have had a personal reading with Summer McStravick, the creator of the Flowdreaming method of manifesting.  She has the gift of telepathy and it is so useful to know someone like her when you have a nonverbal child.  She doesn't do readings often as she is more focused on the ME School and doing life coaching, so what a treat!  She hit the nail on a lot of stuff going on in my life but I'd like to share the bit regarding Luki and his disability.  

UCSB-Family Vacation Center July 23-July 29, 2023

 

Our amazing summer at UCSB-FVC.  Family carnivals, reptile show, adults karaoke, family bingo night, beach bbq, making pizza at Woodstock's Pizza, trip to the zoo, talent shows, dolphin sightings at our sunset bonfire with smores, dinner at Glen Annie Golf Club, pool races, hikes and bike rides, baseball game, etc, etc, etc...

Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month Speech

Thank you everyone for showing your support for autism awareness and acceptance month by wearing blue and for being here today.  My name is JiYoung and I have an 11 year-old son, Lucas, who has a rare condition called Dup15q Syndrome which is only one of a handful of known genetic causes of autism.  My husband Gabriel, Lucas and our 6 year-old son, Liam, and I have been coming to LifeSong since 2018 and feel very fortunate that the pastors and Brenda were so welcoming about us starting a ministry for children and teens with special needs.   (Anna's introduction?)

Living with autism and other neurodivergent conditions can be challenging for the whole family but having awareness makes it a little easier to be in the public.  It means rather than being confined at home watching videos, we can board planes, take walks in the parks, go shopping and take vacations without people being afraid or staring at us as oddities or freaks.  We've had various reactions to our son over the years, but mostly positive due to people "getting us" thanks to campaigns of autism awareness that advocacy groups have promoted in recent years.

One such time was when we were on a flight to Seattle last year and Lucas would kick the seat in front of him.  The woman sitting in front initially was startled but then she took a look at him and turned around and didn't complain or acknowledge him at all throughout the whole flight.  I was mortified that we would end up on Inside Edition for an episode of violence in the air but when the flight landed, she and her husband, a very large and heavily tattooed man, turned around and said "he did well.  He did better than I thought"  (I'm not sure how bad she was expecting things to be...). I had so much gratitude for her remark and felt an immense amount of relief.  I think when she saw him it clicked for her that he wasn't being bratty but may have a cognitive disability and decided to show grace towards him.  This is the power of what awareness and acceptance can do for people.  

 The statistics are that 1 in 63 children are diagnosed with autism and there is no known cure.  Over 75% of couples with autistic children end up in divorce due to the overbearing stress of caregiving. Disabled people, especially those with cognitive disabilities, are the most discriminated subgroup of our country, if not the world.  

Though greater awareness and acceptance, we hope to promote fair and appropriate access to educational opportunities, medical care and rights for access to housing, employment and the opportunity to praise and worship God at their own developmental level.  

I've been asked how do I tie my understanding of a loving God with having a child with autism and was reminded of one of the miracle stories of Jesus.  

 In response to His disciples asking who has sinned for a blind man in John 9:3, Jesus responded, "No one sinned, it happened so that the works of God will be made known through him. "  It's not just that Jesus healed his blindness but the work of God which Jesus refers to (I believe) is that people with disabilities can impact other people's hearts to be more loving, compassionate, and understanding .  And that truly is the ultimate work of God.  I know my son has changed my heart in so many positive ways and my efforts to advocate for his needs has also benefitted countless other individuals with his condition. In his behalf and others with his condition, we have set up the annual Lucas T Ahn Family scholarship to encourage talented undergraduate students interested in researching Dup15q Syndrome.  I have participated in fundraisers and virtual walks to support advocacy organizations and hope to participate in the Orange County Marathon Festival in May. I have sat in on review boards of organizations that fund research grants.  I would never have participated in any of these had my son not been in our lives and it is a testament to the truth of Jesus when he said "it is so that the glory of God would be made known. " Everyone is divinely created and has purpose and value in God’s economy.  I pray you would also be blessed by their presence and come to see a glimpse of the glory of God through them. 

Thank you.

How do I Tie Autism to My Understanding of a Loving God and My Own Spiritual Journey?

For Autism awareness month this year, Anna (a cofacilitator of the special needs ministry) and I have been invited to speak to the church congregation a little about "autism awareness".  I haven't finalized any plans for presenting but doing some research on Youtube, I came across a video that emphasizes autism acceptance much more than autism awareness.  I pitched a video of autism awareness to Anna but she agreed that it was much more important to emphasize acceptance of the condition if we want to see positive change in attitudes toward those affected by autism.  So, we decided that instead of showing a video of what autism is, we will create a slideshow of all the wonderful things the children in Harvest, the special needs ministry are doing to praise and learn about God.  

The first and only walk I did was a virtual one during the pandemic because we could not gather.  I had a shirt that said "I Walk for Dup15q because I don't run". And a virtual walk was even better because  all I had to do was wear the shirt, sit on the couch and watch Netflix.  

But in all seriousness, we need to go beyond just being aware of what autism is to ways in which we show acceptance to people who have the condition.

1.  Autism awareness is knowing that 1 in 63 children are diagnosed and there is no known cure.  Acceptance is making sure advocacy for greater research is made to understand it better which one day help minimize debilitating symptoms.

2 Awareness is knowing that disabled people, especially those with cognitive disabilities, are the most discriminated subgroup of our country, if not the world, Acceptance is making sure they have fair and appropriate access to educational opportunities, medical care and rights for access to housing, employment and the opportunity to praise and worship God at their own developmental level.  

3. Awareness is knowing that words such a retard, "special", idiot, etc... are derogatory terms that is inappropriate to use for people with autism or other cognitive disabilities.  Acceptance is not using them to make fun of or put them down nor use them as adjectives in everyday language.  I've heard even doctors describe a difficult personality as "he's just very "special".  How we treat people with cognitive disabilities may just be a test from God to see who we say we are, is aligned with who we truly are. 

 If it is hard or uncomfortable for you to be around someone so different, that is OK.  No pressure.   We all live at different levels of understanding of God's purpose for everything so just be true to yourselves and acknowledge your own comfort levels.  Just don't be derogatory and mean.  Every child has a mom and dad whose hearts break when they are treated with cruelty and made fun of.  A simple prayer for their well-being would be much appreciated. 

4. Awareness is knowing that 80% of couples with autistic children end up in divorce due to the overbearing stress of caregiving.  Acceptance is showing compassion and advocating for the whole family to deal with their unique situations and lending moral support, as needed.  

How do I tie autism to my understanding of a loving God and my own spiritual journey? 

I've come to understand that a community who has a healthy regard for people with disabilities is one in which God's presence shines brightly. If you look at war torn countries, where killings and genocides run rampant, where there is much confusion and hate, you will not find children with disabilities flourishing, if existing at all.  When the Nazi's took power in Germany, the first group of people they exterminated were not the Jews but children with special needs because they did not fit their narrative of a "master race" of perfect people.  The devil must be afraid of children with cognitive disabilities to want them gotten rid of because despite all their flaws, inabilities and a dependence on so many others, these little souls help highlight all that is good in people to shine brightly. They engender feelings of compassion understanding, kindness, love and patience, qualities that dark forces want to extinguish.  When God made a clarion call for souls to go to Earth to be nonverbal, be considered less than fully human, and have little to no control over their physical bodies and its functions for His divine purpose, I'm sure not many souls signed up for the task.  It would be better to request becoming a doctor, musician, teacher, an actor anything but autism or intellectually delayed; but, the very rare and beautiful ones who raised their hands and said, "I'll go".. well, can you imagine what the heart of God must have felt at that?  

HCS-CH Field Trip to Heritage House, Santa Ana 4/5/23