Jean Vanier on Accepting Who We Are.

RIP Jean Vanier and thank you.

I am sharing a post from Parenting Kids with Disabilities blogspot from Wednesday, May 22, 2013.

Jean Vanier on accepting who we are

2:53 PM acceptance, Intellectual disabilities, social isolation, stigma 6 comments

Last summer I visited L’Arche (The Ark) in Trosly-Breuil, France—the birthplace of a community that brings together adults with intellectual disabilities and young adult volunteers known as assistants. The model, conceived by humanist, philosopher and theologian Jean Vanier, now operates in 40 countries. In a phone interview on Monday I asked Jean what he’s learned living with people with intellectual disabilities. I was struck by the beauty of how Jean speaks and listens.

BLOOM: Is intellectual disability the most stigmatized of disabilities?

Jean Vanier: I think it can be considered one of the most stigmatized because it touches something very profound. Many people define human beings because of their capacities and success and so on. Aristotle would define someone as a ‘reasonable’ person, a person who can think, a person who is capable of doing things. He would talk about the intellectual component. And of course people with intellectual disabilities are wounded in their intellectual component, but they have another component which is very much alive, which is their capacity to love.

Somewhere in their deepest personhood they are rejected. This is the story of people with intellectual disability over the whole of history. They were considered as a punishment from God. We see this even in the Gospel of John, when the disciples of Jesus see a man born blind, one asks: ‘Is it because of the sins of the parents or his sins?’ For someone to be born without seemingly a capacity to be fully human is seen as something horrible, and therefore these people are hidden away. People don’t realize that the secret of being human is the capacity to understand, but more than that, it is the capacity to love.

To be human is to bring the head and the heart together. Individuals with severe intellectual disability have the extraordinary capacity to enter into relationships, to trust, and to love, and that is maybe the great secret of the human being. It is love that will unify the human family. We need to learn to love each other, not just to have a good head where we’re proving that we’re better than others.

BLOOM: How has your thinking about life changed as a result of living with people with intellectual disabilities?

Jean Vanier: I think what I’ve discovered living with them is about the primacy of relationships. The important thing is to be in communion with people and from communion rises up joy and fiesta. We human beings are made to have fun, we’re made to be happy, we’re made to be people of joy and joy flows from communion and unity. Anguish and violence comes from all the forms of disunity.

So human beings are called to become one and to be together. People with disabilities call forth what is most beautiful in me and others, which is the capacity for tenderness, but they also call forth difficulties, to see my own difficulties in relating and call me to work on them.

BLOOM: I often feel that my son’s disabilities are shining a light on all of my weaknesses.

Jean Vanier: That I really understand—showing a light on our weaknesses, showing a light on what it means to be human. The danger in our society is to pretend that we’re strong and powerful. We can do things, but we are all human beings. We were born in weakness and we will die in weakness. We were born to grow strong but also to grow weak. Discovering our weaknesses is about discovering who we are. The fundamental thing for human beings is to accept ourselves as we are, with our strengths and also with our weaknesses. And weakness is not something bad. It implies: ‘I need your help.’ That brings us together, because I’m not able to do everything myself. I’m calling out: ‘Can you help me?’ Fundamentally, we human beings, what we need most deeply is to know that we are loved and accepted.

BLOOM: We live in a fix-it culture where no one is ever good enough as they are. I think for parents of children with intellectual disability, there’s a real conflict between accepting your child and trying to change your child so that your child will fit into the world better.

Jean Vanier: That is a tension even for us here in L’Arche. The great fear of parents is that they don’t want their child to be looked down upon and rejected, so they want them to be as capable as possible and accepted. All of us have to go through this tension between showing we are capable and accepting ourselves with our weaknesses.

BLOOM: My son is 19 now, and sometimes I’m tired of the pressure to always be working on things with him. I feel that I miss out on enjoying the moment.

Jean Vanier: What I hear also, and I find it beautiful, is taking the time to enjoy the moment, to be together, to have fun together, so that he discovers that you love him—not because he can change and be better, but just as he is. To rejoice, to be together, each one of us as we are, that is fundamentally important.

BLOOM: It’s often assumed that people with intellectual disability can’t have a good quality of life, particularly in the medical world.

Jean Vanier: I think richness of life comes from richness of relationship. If we view richness of life from the point of view of success—power, a beautiful marriage, two cars and a house, having two children—the reality of human beings is not that. You can have all the riches of the world and still be terribly upset because no one really loves you and accepts you in your fragility.

When I think of the richness of life I think of someone like Antonio, who was here with us. He had an incredibly beautiful face and eyes and smile. He couldn’t walk, he was as fragile as you could imagine, but he had a capacity to trust us and to enter into that relationship to be with him. He changed people’s hearts.

He brought us to the place of rejoicing that we are human beings together. So if the richness of life is viewed only from society’s view of success and power, then people with intellectual disabilities do not have that. But in reality, if we accept them as they are and if they accept us as we are, we can enter into this beautiful relationship which is a relationship of celebration.

There is a beautiful story of a young man in the Special Olympics who wanted to win the 100-metre race. He got into the finals and he wanted to be first. The guy running in the next lane tripped and fell and he stopped, picked him up, and they ran hand in hand, and finished last. He was accepting not to have the prize, but to live community and solidarity.

BLOOM: The neurodiversity movement has been looking at advantages of different types of brain wiring. Do you think there are positives that come from the way people with intellectual disability think and see the world?

Jean Vanier: I think we have to be careful. People with disabilities are so different from one another. What is absolutely certain is that their fundamental need is to be loved, and to enter into relationships.

The danger of many human beings is that we’re caught up in the idea of success, of power, of doing more and more and having more. We do have to help people with disabilities to progress—to be better in the world of communication, to be able to do things to become more autonomous. But what is the most important is this incredible capacity for friendship and love, and the way they can throw themselves into our arms and be as they are, simple and loving.

People like your son can be caught up in this fear of not being accepted by society, and at the same time being very sensitive to love. I’m sometimes touched by the suffering of people with disabilities who are caught up in the same dilemma or tension as many mothers: wanting to be better, wanting to do things and be acclaimed, but at the same time accepting to live in the moment of tenderness and love and celebration and dancing.

BLOOM: Do you think our culture will ever change to the point that people with disabilities are accepted?

Jean Vanier: I think there will always be a tension. I think something has to be done in schools. I think if one can teach right at the beginning of school, not just the need for success and to go up the ladder, but the need for being together. I was at a school in Calcutta where they were in a circle and the ones who were better were helping the ones who were doing less well. It’s to help children to discover the power of love. That togetherness is something incredibly beautiful.

The fear is that our schools are being run on the power system and children are not learning to be together in a place of happiness and love. This is the problem of deep individualism.

But of course parents are struggling with this. Parents of assistants at L’Arche are struggling with this. I was speaking at a school of one of our assistants and one of the parents said ‘What are your problems at L’Arche?’

I said one of the problems is that you’re very happy if your child comes to stay at L’Arche as an assistant for six months. But if your child wants to stay longer, you’re upset. Because you say ‘staying with people like that is degrading.’

There’s a whole change needed and let’s begin at the school level, to help children so that they no longer despise a child in the classroom who’s weaker, but they can see that it’s a benefit to everybody and it brings forth the beautiful qualities in children.

BLOOM: I was amazed when I visited L’Arche in Trosly-Breuil last summer to speak with an assistant who’d been living there for 36 years.

Jean Vanier: People discover a new way of being. They discover how their qualities of love have grown, and how they’ve grown, and how fundamentally they’re deeply happy here. We have fun together. It is good to be together and there are many people here, in this particular community, who have been here a very long time.

Amazingly, there are a number of young couples aged 28 to 40 who are asking to come to L’Arche as assistants because they have experienced all of the conflict and difficulties for a family in the ordinary life of society. These are young couples who are leaving society, where there’s all this tension to go up the ladder, all this stress, to live here in community and to raise their families here.

BLOOM: What advice would you give parents of children with disabilities?

Jean Vanier: My idea would not be to give too much advice but to be with them and to listen to them and to hear first their pain, and to gradually help them discover that their child has values that they have not yet seen in him.

I would encourage them to come to a L’Arche home and to see the fun and happiness that people have. But as I say, I’m wary of giving advice. I like to be with people and I really understand parents who in some ways feel crushed and hurt, because they were hoping so much for a child that would grow up and have children, and the parents would be grandparents. So, first of all, I would understand the pain of people. There is pain. But then to walk with them and help them and to discover that their child is really very beautiful. It can take some time for parents to come to that place of rejoicing.

BLOOM: Do you find that parents’ perceptions of their children change after they come to live at L’Arche?

Jean Vanier: When a child comes here there’s a joy and a pain. Pain because their child is no longer living with them, but a joy because they know that when they, the parents, die, their children will be well.

There’s always a tension with parents, and the more disabled the child is, the more the parents have grown to love him, to hold on to him, to nurse him, to care for him or her and then the idea of losing control over the child or losing that relationship is sometimes very painful.

But parents are there not to hold on to children, but to help them be well and to grow according to their own gifts.

BLOOM: As a parent I’m fearful when I hear of stories of abuse that takes place, not at L’Arche, but at other homes for adults with disabilities.

Jean Vanier: L’Arche began when I took two men out of an institution which I considered violent and not good and not really attentive to the needs of people. There is, let’s face it, the whole history of humanity has been a long history of abuse and violence towards people with disabilities.

People don’t want to have people with disabilities around because it reminds them of their own disabilities and capacity to die. There will always be a struggle and parents have to realize that and we have to work together, not just for people with disabilities, but for people with old age, with Alzheimer’s, with other illnesses.

And there’s a whole reality between those who are rich and those who are poor. I was in Chile some time ago and going from the airport to the city and my driver pointed and said: ‘On the left are all of the slum areas of Santiago. And on the right, all of the rich places, defended by police and military. And nobody crosses the road.’

This is a bigger challenge than just people with disabilities. We have to discover that to be a human society we have to be intensely present to those who are weak and in need. A society can only be human when the strong and weak come together to celebrate life.

BLOOM: It’s funny that we’re all mortal and yet so often we go through life pretending we’re invulnerable.

Jean Vanier: We praise the strong, we praise those who are winners, and we tend to despise the weak, or we feel despised if we are weak. The greatest pain for human beings is humiliation, to be despised and put down.

The greatest fear of people who are strong is that one day they will be humiliated and won’t succeed as they wanted to succeed. We need to understand that our treasure is not in our power, but in the deep acceptance of who we are, and who we are is different but we are all people. If we try to be who we are not, that tension will someday explode.

Everybody is frightened of the word death. We’re taking that away and instead accepting that we are born to live and born to die, we are born to grow strong and born to grow weak. We are a harmony of strengths and weaknesses but it’s because of our weakness that we need help and we need relationships. The magic words are always: ‘I need your help. I need to be with people.’

What Ever Happened to Michael and Valerie Kroenke?

As a recent immigrant back in 1980, I was placed in an English as a Second Language (ESL) group in my first grade classroom at Wilton Place Elementary School, one of a handful of schools nationwide with a dual Korean language immersion program.  While most of the children worked on  typical classroom assignments, a small group of kids who spoke little or no English were segregated into a long table where we wore headphones and learned vocabulary words and the correct pronunciations for them.  All except one child were immigrant children with limited English.  Michael Kroenke, whose name I never forgot, was the only caucasian student in our group and I am not sure why he was with us as he spoke fluent English.  I remember him being a very scrawny, skinny and a soft spoken little boy who always had a runny nose.  His clothes were not always the cleanest and his straight limp hair was usually oily .  He had a funny way of speaking due to his two buck teeth and he was usually seated next to me.  I considered him a buddy who I used to tease and he would do the same to me and we both laughed at our own shortcomings. I am assuming he had a learning disability and this was the only setting the administration could place him.  Maybe there were no appropriate programs for a child like him and he was just stuck with all the kids who didn't speak much English.  I think he was the first child with a disability I came across but didn't realize at the time.  In junior high school, I found out he had an older sister named Valerie who was intellectually disabled.  When she walked across campus, the cruel boys would jeer, laugh and make fun of her and although delayed in many ways, I think Valerie knew she was being ridiculed and often times she would loudly sob like a baby which made the boys laugh even harder.  I felt so bad for her but did nothing to reach out to her and neither did any of my classmates. We only saw her in passing between recess time as she was segregated into special classrooms where we had no interactions.

Once, I ran into Michael, Valerie and their parents at Sears and I remember feeling so much pity for them even as my own childhood was pretty crappy and pitiful.  The family looked poor and the parents seemed a bit "off" themselves and I wonder now if whether they had mental health issues. I remember feeling pity for them but also feeling glad and relieved that they had each other to lean on.  I wondered what it must be like to be them: to be made fun of, ridiculed, not respected, poor and vulnerable. And, I wondered if there were people who saw me, a marginalized, minority immigrant kid who spoke little English, just as I saw the Kroenke family.  On occasion, I wonder what ever happened to Michael and his family and I pray they are safe.

In junior high, I had a classmate whose sister had cognitive delays and she would have frequent tantrums, headaches and maybe even seizures.  She went to a special school but once I visited my friend at her house and I saw how awful it was when she had one of her spells.  I felt sorry for her mom and felt embarrassed for my friend.  I never showed much sympathy for her as I was a self absorbed and ignorant junior high kid -  not that I was ever mean or overtly disrespectful but I tried to distance myself from her in fear that associating with the "uncool" people  would hurt my chances of ever being "popular" or at least accepted; and being accepted by my peers at that age was a very big deal . I realize it was stupid, childish and even hurtful and I cringe at myself when I think of how shallow I was as a teenager even though I was being influenced by other "friends" whose acceptance I so badly wanted.  In my heart though, I knew there was something not right about the world, those jeering kids, my group of friends and the pressure I felt to fit in. I don't remember anyone from my first grade but I've thought about Michael and Valerie on and off for years and even do so to this day.


 Through that experience and reflecting back on those days, I have a greater compassion and  understanding for people who are oblivious to their own hurtful actions or words shown out of ignorance.   We are all at different levels of understanding and no one can make anyone learn anything.  Wisdom, insight comes as a result of experience and maybe that is why God brought us into this world; to gain wisdom and insight through our varied experiences; the sublime, the mundane, the grotesque, the tragic and everything in between.  What I realize in hindsight is that nobody will every judge my stupid actions or thoughts as harshly as I judge myself, not even God.  When I encounter people who abuse or belittle others, I cringe at the thought of what their own judgment of themselves will be like once they achieve a higher level of understanding, either in later years or at the pearly gates, I have compassion for them because I know how uncomfortable that can feel.

"Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know until you lived through it. Honor your path.  Trust your journey.  Learn, grow, evolve, become, heal." -unknown

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Disability Advocacy and "Scaling Down"

Where's Luki?

 Advocacy for my son and his disability comes by way of making sure IEP goals are appropriate for him at school; enrolling him in summer programs as those offered through AbilityFirst where kids of all abilities are encouraged to swim, explore the community and make friendships; making sure our family gets in home supportive services, acquiring MediCal benefits so that he can get diapers/medical equipment as well as be eligible for numerous other government benefits; and keeping an eye open for any programs offered through organizations such as the Regional Center that help him with social development and promote inclusion in the community.   I show love and support for my son by treating him with gentleness and making sure that he is fed, clothed, groomed, well rested and treated with love and respect, every day.  However, I haven't had much time, energy nor resources to tackle bigger and grander projects that help bring disability awareness and acceptance to a large audience.  I see so many amazing parents of special needs children doing grand and laudable things like launching an international support organization, serving on the board for these organization, raising thousands of dollars through fundraisers, establishing media empires for those with disabilities or opening adaptive play gyms as a business, and I feel a bit inadequate and wonder if I am doing enough to support my son and promote the Dup15q community.


During my one year study abroad at the University of York, England in my senior year of university, I remember taking the train to a more metropolitan neighboring city, Leeds, to do some weekend shopping.  On the train, I encountered a small boy with Downs Syndrome around the age of 10 accompanied by someone who may have been his grandmother.  They were so happy and excited to be going somewhere.  Were they going to a party? Or, to meet a long lost relative or friend?  The lady didn't treat the boy badly or differently in any way which I thought would be the case.  I remember thinking how beautiful it was to witness such an interaction because up to that time, I had always imagined living with a family member with an intellectual disability as being full of sadness, shame, disappointment and unhappiness. How can one possibly have a happy and fulfilling life when one can't achieve any of the good things that society deems good/ successful/ beautiful?   Peeping into that beautiful moment in the bus opened my eyes to how happy and excited one can be despite living with a disability that society defines as being shameful and sad. It showed me that intellectual disability was nothing to be fearful of at all and that meaning to any experience comes down to how one sees a situation. It made a far greater impact on me than any celebrity who speaks to thousands of people to bring awareness and charity to a cause.

I am reminded of Charles Eisenstein who wrote a beautiful essay on the importance of doing good deeds on small levels without there being great fanfare, pomp and circumstance. Click here for link to essay:  Scaling Down


  He said doing things on a small scale was just as important as grand and ambitious projects done to earn fame and fortune.

"The logic of bigness devalues the grandmother spending all day with her granddaughter, the gardener restoring just one small corner of earth to health, the activist working to free one orca from captivity. It devalues anything that seemingly could not have much of a macrocosmic effect on the world. It devalues the feminine, the intimate, the personal, and the quiet." -C.E.

"When I focus on the small, intimate realms of life, taking the hours to tend to a relationship, to beautify a space, perhaps, or to enter the timeless child’s world with my youngest son, I am subject to an unease along the lines of, “There is something more important I’m supposed to be doing.” The logic of bigness devalues the very heart of life." -C.E.

I hope he is right.  It would relieve me of much guilt and feelings of inadequacy.  Just knowing that as I cuddle my boy or play with him in a gentle and kind manner with no one to witness the act is just as meaningful as reaching thousands of people through celebrity or ambition.

 "For me, scaling down implies a kind of trust that it is OK to do just this, right here, right now. Letting go of controlling the macroscopic outcome, action becomes a kind of prayer, a kind of aligning oneself with the world one wants to see." -CE

Happy 8th Birthday, Lucas (my Earth Angel)!

May 18-19, 2019 celebration at Great Wolf Lodge, Anaheim!  I soaked in the biggest pee bath of all time but a great time was had by all!!

Found a spanking new 2019 shiny lucky penny on Lucas' birthday! I think it is going to be a great and lucky year!

An Earth Angel in Disability.

As a mother of a child who is nonverbal, I sometimes imagine having a "conversation" with my 7 year old son.  Once, when I was worrying about his happiness and safety with no means of asking him what it feels like to be "him", I had a dream where he spoke to me so clearly. He said with impatience,"Mom, stop worrying so much, I am happy and I love you."  It felt so good to hear him even only through a dream and  to hear that he is happy and he loves me is all I really want and need to hear, ever.

Over the years, my understanding of the spiritual world and humanity's purpose on this Earth has gradually been veering  away from some of the dogmatic religious teachings I professed.  And yet, in another sense, it is also convicting me more of a loving God, life in a heavenly realm, being true to who I am and the importance of living a fulfilling/loving life.  I thank the below-mentioned ladies who are master teachers and beautifully awakened souls who come to gently heal and teach broken souls like myself.

So, from my previous blogs, it's obvious I consult with "intuitives" to figure out my kid better.  They have been as valuable and insightful (and perhaps even more so) than doctors, therapists, teachers and researchers.  I've spoken to the best of the best from Lisa Williams, Michelle Whitedove, Venus Andrecht and recently, Rosemary Altea.  Rosemary is a clairvoyant whose book "The Eagle and the Rose" I've read many years ago and  who I've seen on the Oprah Winfrey Show. She works with an advanced soul who once incarnated in the world as a Native American healer by the name of Gray Eagle.  Like all masters in this field, along with the above mentioned ladies, she teaches workshops more than doing personal readings so it was such a treat to have my question read on her Youtube channel where she does live readings.

At 23:20 on the above video, Rosemary addresses a question regarding my Dup15q son.  (I am "JiJi" she refers to in the video).

"Hi I have a 7 year old intellectually disabled son. What is his life purpose and will he ever talk ? would it be a Good idea for me to have another child? Thank you"

This is Rosemary's answer:

"He's 7?  I'm looking to Grey Eagle.  Apparently, this little one he may be intellectually a little slow but his heart, his soul is light, is glorious and everyone he touches will gain something from him.. So, you know, I'm not sure if he is an Earth angel,. I will have to spend more time with Gray Eagle on that one but if he isn't, he comes pretty close which is amazing and  ... he will talk, give him time, give him space, give him a little patience, I wonder if he is not quite so intellectually less  as you might think think he is.. I think there is much more about him .Give him time."

I agree, I've never felt my son to have a true intellectual disability.  His processing his slow and there are limitations to what he can do due to physical impediments and a poor sensory processing capability but I've never felt as if he would act or think like a 2 year old which is what the  developmental assessment results indicate.  As Rosemary states, he is much more.   I agree.

As for the other question, it looks like maybe our family might be expanding....my choice....

Venus Andrecht , Lisa Williams and Michelle Whitedove have all said the same thing about my son: that he is a very special and evolved soul.  This is the first time hearing him be referred to as an Earth Angel and I like the sound of that! Many people in the disability community would argue that referring to the disabled as saintly, inspirational, angelic is inaccurate and ostracizes them even more as being "different" and "other".  So, I don't want to perpetuate this kind of stereotype and do harm to the cause, but this is what I have been told by many masters in the spirituality work. Maybe not all people with a disability are angelic, just mine.


In hindsight, I should have asked why such an evolved soul/Earth Angel came to this world with such a disability.  Perhaps she answered it when she said he is going to touch and influence people who get to know him.  Why not be born into an influential family with the best educational opportunities and means of influencing and changing the world?  Why through disability and "weakness".. I am reminded of the story of Jesus in the bible - in no way am I comparing my son to Jesus but many doubters of His time have wondered why the "King" would be born to a lowly carpenter and a peasant girl instead of into a powerful and influential family to bring about the great work of God in this world.  It's such a mystery and also very beautiful that God did it that way. 

It makes me feel blessed, special and happy to know that God had such confidence in me to entrust him to my care yet I feel so undeserving.  I wonder what He saw in me that made Him think me worthy?  Now, that's another question I could ask her on another podcast!   Call it woo woo.  Call me crazy but I like my son being called an Earth Angel.


May 30, 2019

Update: Part 2 of my question to Rosemary Altea.  At 33:55, JiJi asks another question for Rosemary:

​"I write for my 8 year old son . what is his life purpose and how I, as a mother, can help him achieve it and have the best life possible. Why was I chosen to be his mother?"

Click on link at 33:55 to hear her answer.   

 Here is a transcript:

...He is 8?  ....Alright, well, ok, what a wonderful mother you are first of all to be concerned about him.  It's very difficult for me to know  quite what to say to you because ... here is the thing.. if I were to actually tell you in great detail what his life purpose was going to be or why he was here and so on, as much as you would say to yourself "I am not going to influence him.as much as parents we don't want to influence him this way or that way, we would.  it's inevitable that we would, so I feel that certainly you were chosen to be his mother . You were chosen because life is not easy with this child, which is probably why you are asking this question. But, be there for him , ascertain when he shows certain attributes, encourage him in those attributes, as in when he will let you know, his soul will let him know  and he will let you know.  Pay attention to him.  Guide him and steer him.  Grey Eagle is saying specifically, as parents, we guide and steer our children in the ways of kindness and in the ways of gentleness because this is what will help him to blossom and this is what will help him to find his path.  If he sees kindness and gentleness in you, if he sees you applying kindness and gentleness to others...and remember, it's not what we say to our children but what we do is how they learn.  They watch us, they try to emulate us.  I'm sure I don't have to tell you this because I'm sure you already do show kindness and gentleness with this child. And, I'm also told that he is a very precious little boy.  So, I think you are doing what you can do.  I think you are going to be able to give him in his life what he needs when he needs it.  I see some tough times ahead but with you by his side, he can't possibly fail now can he? That's what I am being told.  Try not to be overprotective because it is easy to be overprotective when we have sensitive children, when we have children who need special care, special gentleness but I am going to say this to you, I applaud you for wanting to do everything you can for this child.  What you can do for him ...the only thing you can do for him is to allow him to be himself, allow him to grow.  There is a fine line between mothering and smothering .  I sometimes cross that line myself.  I am a bit of a smotherer when it comes to my grandson,....just allow him to be.  He will show you when you need to step in and help and encourage.  Just encourage him to be himself my love.  

June 6, 2019 Update:  Rosemary recently had a show on disability.  Hmmm.,...I wonder if my question had anything to do with the topic.

A little more about the purpose and characteristics of an earth angel as outlined in the hyperlink above:

What is an Earth Angel?

Earth Angels are spiritual beings born into physical form. They are born into the physical world at this point in time in which multiple timelines are merging in order to

• serve humanity and the earth
• assist all souls in the awakening and ascension process
• help in anchoring the timeline of light, love, and peace to bring the earth and humanity into the golden age of co-creation

Earth Angels are evolved spiritual beings. They are 7th and 9th dimensional Angelics incarnated into physical form. In order to be born as physical human beings, they lowered their vibration.

But here's the thing. They came programmed with a wake-up call. They were born with a time to awaken. This could be a series of happenings, lessons, or events in order to awaken their divine truth. Although they are physical beings, they retain the connection to their higher Angelic counterparts.

Really, all souls originate from the same Divine Source, but there are many different paths and paradigms souls can take which shape their characteristics, missions, and even personalities.

Earth Angels are people whose soul origins are from beyond Earth, and who have spent a great deal of time in the higher spiritual dimensions of love and light…

Earth Angels are those who have an overarching prayer and wish to bring peace, light and love to the Earth, humanity and all beings.

While everyone on Earth now is a spiritual being, not everyone is an Earth Angel. Earth Angels are highly spiritually evolved as souls, they vibrate with an incredible light, and have been called to Earth on a mission to serve as lightworkers.....As children, Earth Angels have a tendency to be diagnosed with various cognitive disorders because of their lack of concern for the material world.

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Special Needs Planning: Trusts, Government Benefits, Health Insurance, Conservatorships

Roberto Corral is a proud father to his son Julian, a young man with autism and he is also an associate member of the Special Needs Planning Institute, Inc., a non-profit organization whose focus is serving the special needs community. In 2003, Roberto was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy which resulted in him having a heart transplant during June, 2013 and changed his life path. He moved away from his occupation in the field of mortgage loans to completing the Special Education Advocacy Training program and is now the executive director of Corral Financial Strategies, a firm where he provides special needs planning, public benefits consulting, and related financial services.  Last Saturday, I attended an informational seminar hosted by the Down Syndrome group of the San Gabriel Valley where Roberto gave a talk on special needs trusts and other services available to families with special needs children.  Here is a summary of what he talked about:

The first and most important topic Roberto addressed is legal planning. In this section of the talk, he addressed the pros and cons of setting up a will, conservatorship, first party special needs trusts and third party irrevocable living special needs trusts.

1. Conservatorships:

Once a child turns 18, a parent can still make legal decisions for their child.  Roberto shared a story where a child bought a $2K TV for his girlfriend at BestBuy. When the parent found out, she was able to cancel the transaction. Conservatorship can also be important for reproductive rights, I sort of tuned out on this topic as Luki is only 7 years old and I still have time.  That's about what I retained about this topic. I was more interested in learning about government benefits and special needs trust which will cover the remainder of this blog post.

2. Wills:

 Wills need to go through the courts and a 10-20% fee is added on.  This is also made public records.  If money is left to a special needs child via a will, they won't qualify for SSI benefits because this would make their assets too high for eligibility.  SSI payments can be made after 18 years of age at a maximum of about $951.72 per month if one qualifies for low income which is capped at $2000 per year.  With money in the bank through inheritance from a will, the adult child would no longer be able to get the monthly SSI payments.  Some exceptions to this rule is having a house and life insurance payments which are not included as assets and income when calculating SSI eligibility.  Roberto gave an example of another negative of establishing  a direct will with the example as follows:

If $500,000 is bequeathed to a sibling with the understanding that half that amount will be used to care for the special needs sibling, there is no guarantee that the money will be safe for such a purpose.  What if the sibling gets divorced?  Half that money can go to a spouse.  Or, what if the sibling starts a business and then goes bankrupt?

3. First Party Special Needs Trust:

John shared the story of a child who won millions of dollars through a lawsuit related to the cause of his disability.  The money was put into a first party special needs trust since the money was made out to his name. In a first party special needs trust, the money is set aside for the child but in the event that the disabled child passes away, Medi-Cal will garner the remaining money in the trust somewhat as a payback for the services rendered through Medi-Cal during his lifetime.  If a lot of money still remains in the trust, then there is much to be lost back to the government.  A clause cannot be placed in this type of trust stipulating that Medi-Cal can't take the money. 

4: Third Party Irrevocable Living Special Needs Trust:

In a third party special needs trust, anybody but the disabled child can put money into the trust.  It cannot be changed except to change the trustee(parent) or beneficiary(child).  If the child passes away, a sibling can get the money.  In other words, the money will stay within the family, the government can't touch it, there are no taxes and the child can still qualify for SSI benefits.

5:  SSI and SSDI:

SSI eligibility is based on income.  One has to make less than $2000 per year to qualify for a maximum of $931.72 per month.  This is the bare minimum calculated to cover the cost of food and lodging for a month.

SSDI is social security money based on work history of 10 years.  One pays for this during their working years and gets it back when they retire.

6: :PASS program

I didn't really pay much attention to this topic as it applies mostly to adults 18-22 year of age.  However, click on the hyperlink and you can read more about it via the social security office.  As I understood it from Roberto, it allows 10-22 year olds to earn some money ( $7500/yr on top of the $2000 SSI cap) while going to college (at least 8 units per semester) and still qualify for the maximum SSI payment of $931.72 per month.


6: Private Insurance:

While dependent children can no longer be under their parent's health insurance after the age of 26; there is no such limit on children with disabilities and they can stay on their parents plans as long as the parents have health insurance through employment or have purchased health insurance on their own.  The premium, however, may be a bit more. 

7:  Other Financial Plans:

Roberto informed us about a few other savings plans offered through various organizations and banks but these have fees associated with them.  It seemed unnecessary for us to have because they don't accrue much interest and with inflation, the savings will not have the same purchasing power decades down the line as it would today.

One such program is the CalAble program click CalAble.  It is a federal program which allows SSI kids to get $15,000 per year with a $100,000 cap without affecting their eligibility for MediCal or SSI.  The Able account is based on the 529 plans which is to say it is run like a mutual fund or a savings account or 50:50 of each.  Two financial institutions TIA and Merrill Lynch manage these plans for a fee but they also give free financial consultations.

 So, if we want to hypothetically have a young adult use all the above resources, then he/she could earn $2000 (to qualify for SSI), $7500 through PASS program, $12,140 from family (there is no limit on how much they can get through a third party special needs trust) , $15,000 from the CalAble program and still qulaify for MediCal and SSI.

If none of the above plans are in place, the child will go into foster care. 

After the seminar, the one take home message I had was that I need to get life insurance.  We are not rich by any means and a life insurance policy would be the biggest fund for the third party special needs trust, I never liked to think about these things but I think it is time to get cracking.

Anybody have recommendations for a good life insurance policy?


I can't seem to get onto Roberto's website for some reason but here is a company that does Special Needs planning throughout the country.  Silver Tree Special Needs Planning

A Chance Encounter

"Lucy" has an 11 year old son with autism and she is living my worst nightmare.  She has been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia which turned acute 8 months ago.  She has been hospitalized and has received numerous chemotherapy and is suffering awful side effects from the treatments. She worries about the fate of her son if (or when) she dies and feels she has not prepared properly for his care when she passes on.  I write this blog with her permission but with a fictitous name as I was her nurse for 12 hours at night.  When I told her I had an intellectually disabled son, I felt as if she had finally connected back to civilization after being on a deserted island for many years.  We shared stories the whole night about our difficult childhoods, God's will, what we are learning from our sons and the worries we have for them when we are no longer here on Earth.  She has her sister and mother who take great care of her and love her very much but they cannot understand what is in her heart as a mother to a special child like another mother in the same situation.

I gave Lucy as much information on the various resources to help her such as respite, Regional Center, In Home Supportive Services, ABA, special needs trusts, Ability First programs and she took copious notes with wide eyes and seemed to consume every single word I spoke. She said she was so depressed about her situation and cried out to God the night before for some help for her son while she is trapped in a sick body and stuck in a hospital room for months.  She felt I was the answer to her prayer when I shared my son's story.   Her sister seemed annoyed that Lucy was trying to take care of her son's needs when at this time she felt she should be trying to recover from her own leukemia . I totally agree with her but to tell a mother on the brink of death to just not worry about an intellectually disabled son is an impossible thing to do and only creates more anxiety and hopelessness.  I felt I was giving her relief from worries by letting her know that there were so many resources out there for her son and that he can be taken well care of. This is what I mean when I refer to this  being an isolating experience because other around us (even those who love us dearly) cannot fathom what we are feeling and what we really need to hear.

When morning came, I wasn't sure if I would see Lucy again but my parting words to her were those of healing for her own body.  She seemed sad to see me go. I held her hand and told her to repeat the manta. "I am healthy. I am whole" and to really believe it and visualize it into reality.

Have I prepared enough for my death? No, I'm not dying but the future is guaranteed to no one. I am attending a special needs trust seminar this Saturday which I have signed up for weeks ago.  How appropriate that I have met Lucy this week.  Perhaps, this chance encounter is a sign from Spirit that I also need to prepare.   Lucy said I was an inspiration but she has also woken me up to realities that I turned my head away from.