Ahn Family Adventure Series: Alaska, The Last Frontier! Royal Caribbean Cruise Aug 15-22, 2022

 

 Alaska, The Last Frontier!! 

Glaciers, salmon streams, crab feasts, s’mores, bald eagles, bears, waterfalls, Salmon bakes, panning for gold, Tongass National rainforest, picking Black- blue- rasp- and huckleberries on hikes, totem poles, native dances, whale sightings, Pike’s Market, Space Needle, and Timbits at Tim Horton’s!! It’s been so much fun!  Seattle-Snoquolmie Falls-Ketichan-Sitka-Juneau-Mendenhall Glacier-Victoria, Canada 

If you're a mom, a family vacation is never really a vacation.  You are still working as a team leader, a coordinator of events/meals, the enforcer of the itinerary and thinking of a thousand plans, back up plans and back up for the back up plans and making lists of what to do just in case. It can be exhausting and sure, it would have been easier to just take the family to the beach or somewhere local for summer vacation but when did I ever do things easy?  Besides, I needed to check off a few things on my bucket list and adventures need to be taken while you're still able bodied because I've seen a lot of older retired folks on the cruise who were too frail for excursions and took head-tilted-back, wide-opened-mouth naps at the pubs.  That may be me one day, but not today. 

Traveling with Luki was relatively easy and we even did most of our excursions without his special needs stroller.  I've recently learned about a program called Autism on the Seas which provide respite care and diverse activities for individuals sailing with autism on select cruises.  We didn't find any such services on our sailing and decided not to leave him at the Ocean Adventures childcare for his age group because they just didn't have a 1:1 staff to be with him.  This wasn't a big deal to me because I loved having Luki around us all the time and found joy in seeing his wide-eyed wonder at everything he saw. 

Luki. This kid is amazing! Despite his disability he did Alaska like a pro! He may never go to the best school but he still gets to see and experience the world and learn. He kept up beautifully with the rest of us during hikes, shows, meals and bus/boat excursions. He was so quiet and so in tuned with the surroundings and it was wonderful to watch him like that. He even joined in on the native dance show during our excursion to Sitka (see video below for Sitka).

I am so grateful to fellow travelers who showed much compassion and understanding to him. To the lady sitting in front of him in flight who wasn’t bothered by his occasional screams, kicking her seat and said he did well at the end of the flight, thank you. To the couple sitting next to us at the restaurant who didn’t mind his occasional outbursts (he was just excited) and even offered to take our family picture for us and said my kids are a joy, thank you. This is the power of what disability awareness can do. I am so proud and grateful to all of them!! Another mom with a Dup15q child said when her son kicked the seat on an airplane, the women seated in front turned around and tried to hit her child. This teaches me to never take any pinch of kindness for granted.

People like Luki are not meant to be kept aloof from society. They need to be seen at the mall, the grocery store, parks, sporting events, schools, and even while traveling. They may get hated, they may get loved, but they need to take part in the world. And as his parent, I also get to bear witness, in front row seats, if you will, to the highest virtues of humanity as well as the basest.

Tae makes sure Luki is looking into the camera for photos

I give Best Little Brother Award to Tae for his awesome care of Luki during his Alaska trip. From reading about Alaska to Luki, to making sure he is looking at the camera when taking pictures, to taking responsibility of pushing the stroller (by his own volition), helping to feed him during meals and being a great companion. He always looks for Luki when he is not around and Luki’s face lights up when Tae is nearby. Tae sees his older brother like a warm security blanket. I thought Luki will need his little brother more but I’m realizing Tae needs him just as much. The special bond I see blossoming brings me to tears.

Tae keeps Luki from eloping during photos

Luki loves his little bro

Tae says, "I've got this!"

A Brother's Keeper

 

Tae loves to get shaved ice after his summer day camp lets out at mid-afternoon and I indulge him once a week at either Hawaii Time or Snowy Village which makes amazing Korean shaved ice specialties.  Lucas is still on his summer vacation and after playing in the pool and backyard all morning, I took him to pick up Tae and to enjoy a treat at Snowy Village.  With Lucas trying to escape my grip and toppling over the tip jar as I pay for our treat, I finally manage to get him seated in his adaptive chair.  He gets very fidgety in his seat and although secured in a belted adaptive chair, he will rock the chair which makes a noise when the chair leg hits the floor.  I noticed a Korean women with her young daughter about the same age as Lucas seated two tables away and felt a weird vibe coming from them.  My back was turned towards her so I could not tell if she was staring at Lucas but I sensed her annoyance whenever the chair made a noise.  She spoke in Korean to her daughter saying, "how noisy" or translated in another way, "what a ruckus".  Honestly, it wasn't that loud.  I wanted to lash out and ask what the hell is so loud but decided not to cause a scene.  I wonder how Korean society views people with intellectual disability and what our lives would have been like if we lived there.  Would the restaurant owners ask us to leave for being loud?  Would there be sympathy for us or for the annoyed lady.  Do they even have a law for disability rights protection as we do in the States?  

I am currently watching a gem of a Korean drama called Our Blues.  I cried and laughed at almost every episode and found it to be so authentic in depicting Korean people's spirit so well. I once heard that it's difficult to distinguish whether two Koreans yelling at each other are actually arguing or are the best of friends.    I would characterize Koreans as generally being very blunt to the point of being offensive, but without guile and although they don't show affection outwardly, they have deep love for each other.  They can be loud, loves singing, dancing and drinking, full of "han" and have quick brilliant minds and can be very not politically correct.  There is a saying that a Korean mother shows her love not by saying I love you but by asking, "Have you eaten? or by shoving a wrapped ssam in your mouth.  This series reminded me of all the extended family members I interacted with until the age of 7 when we immigrated to the US.    

In one episode, a poignant scene depicts the dilemma of a sibling to a twin sister with Downs Syndrome and the struggles she faces as she takes on the responsibility of being the sole guardian to her disabled sister after both her parents tragically pass away from a car accident
.  She worries her boyfriend would be put off by such a responsibility and explains to him the challenges she has faced in the past and how difficult it has been to be her sister's caretaker

   Watch here. 

I wonder what our lives would have been like if we lived in Korea with Lucas disability....  One thing that struck out in this scene is when she puts blame and responsibility on families who send their disabled children away to secluded group homes, away from interacting in public life as the main reason why people stare at disabled individuals like those with Down Syndrome.  It seems natural, if you have not had exposure to something, curiosity naturally makes people stare and gawk.  Her solution is to have more inclusion and exposure of people with disabilities in the community so that their presence no longer feels like an oddity.  Her complaint is that there are not enough resources and support for families to take care of them in their own homes when they must leave to work and make a living.  

I know many parents that have kids with intellectual disabilities share ideas of a group home or communes in the desert or even a farm far away where the kids can live out their days in remote settings.  Isn't there a saying in English about sending grandma off to the farm and it being connotated as having her die or be killed?  I dislike this idea because it defeats the whole purpose of why these precious souls are here on Earth in the first place.  They are here to make people feel uncomfortable with their presence.  They need to be seen in the communities where they live.  They will get stared at and ridiculed but their mere presence is their divine ministry.  Unlike a preacher with many words, their mere presence delivers the whole sermon.  

Here is documentary based in Denmark of a sister to a child who is deaf, blind and has autism.  She also grapples with the issue of who will take care of her brother once her parents pass away.  

He's My Brother | POV | NJ PBS (njtvonline.org)

Tae was not conceived to be his brother's caretaker when Gabe and I are no longer here on Earth.  I want Tae to pursue his own dreams and ambitions in life and fly freely and loftily without having his ankle chained to the burden of caring for Lucas.  It would be amazing if he stayed close and chose to be his guardian but I will not burden him with it.  It makes me sad to think that he would not choose to be a part of Lucas life but it would crush me even more to think that he forfeited his dreams to spend the rest of his days changing Lucas diapers and feeding him.