Preschool Starts, Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall.

Lucas walks into his first day of preschool like a big boy.  He was wobbly with the bag pack on but walked much better without it.  He lets me hold his hand and he follows me.  I still send him to school with his stroller. But, he is getting better at walking with holding hands.

Lucas can climb down stairs better now.  At home, he can climb up and down the small staircase from the living room to the dining room - about 8 steps- all by himself.  He can climb up the long staircase but still needs  help coming down.  He holds my hand and the rail. 

Lucas gets impatient with the merry go round.  He says, "forget this, I'm outta here!"  Interesting exit plan.

He used to be scared of the ball blower sound and would freak out.  Now, he can't get enough of this.  He pushes the button by himself to start it.  I sometimes hold him up  and he likes the feel of the breeze on his face and catching the balls that pop up. 

L is much more vocal now.  He makes these sounds all day long.  I think this is a very good precursor to speech and I can't wait for him to start talking soon!  I know it will happen.  

Lucas has broken his glasses 3 times, lost one lens once which I found in the car.  Still hates wearing them, but I am persistent in keeping them on.  

Lucas gives kisses on demand and now puckers up instead of sticking his tongue out.  The best milestone, yet!

A Caregiver who has had Enough.

A few weeks ago, as Luki was enjoying the hot summer sun in the patio, splashing away on his water table, I noticed an angry women walking down the middle of the car lane against traffic towards a young man sitting on the sidewalk waiting for a bus.  She looked like she was in her thirties, a bit heavy set and angry as hell at the man she was approaching.  He was also heavy set and looked like he had either autism or developmental delays.  She was yelling, "I can't believe you are doing this to me.  I chose you over everyone else.  I was always on your side and this is how you thank me?!! "  When she reached the guy, she started punching him with her fist and continued to yell and make a scene.  This was going on right in front of me across the street and I could see  and hear them very clearly since it was a quiet day without much traffic.  The lady noticed me and started yelling at me to mind my own business once she saw that I was observing all of this.  I told her I had every right to look outside my own patio and she should take her anger to a more private place.  I took Luki inside because I didn't want to frighten him with this scene and all the yelling but I continued to watch them from inside.  She continued to kick and punch this guy and when he had enough of her, he punched her back.  I don't blame him because he really held out for a long time and tried to speak calmly to her and when she was not responding rationally, he hit back in self defense.  Blood started splattering on the sidewalk and the lady had a bloody nose and bruised up face.   I opened the sliding door and from the patio yelled out, "stop that right now!"  She seemed very shocked that he hit her back and with "Oh my God, I can't believe you hit me! I can't believe this!" proceeded to walk back toward the direction she came from.  He walked the opposite direction and I saw him sit at a bus stop bench a block away.  I called the police and reported that he was sitting at the bus stop.  Apparently, she walked into the corner Carrow's Restaurant and they had already reported that a bleeding woman walked into the restaurant. Shortly after I made my report, the police came and took the young man.

In situations like this, where a woman is found beaten up and bleeding, the police would most likely find the man at fault.  I regret not stating in my report that it was really the woman who was the aggressor and that he was really trying to defend himself.  I still wonder to this day what happened to that guy and hope that he is OK.  I hope the same for that woman.

Caregiver burnout.  She was either his mother, sister or a guardian who took care of his needs.  Maybe she reached a point where she could not take any more of the stress, disappointment, fear, frustration, anger and a myriad other negative emotions that can come from being a 24/7 caregiver to a person with a disability.  Maybe she doesn't have enough social/financial support to carry the burden alone and just finally snapped that day.  And I wondered, will this kind of thing be in Luki and my future?  If we get strapped for assistance and become weary under stress and fatigue, will such ugliness manifest from within myself?

Having lived with an alcoholic and possibly bipolar father, I have a familiarity with the above scene and empathize with her very well.  I have had to yell, nag, fight for someone to change but in hindsight, I realize it was all wasted energy and as the saying goes in Alcoholics Anonymous, I don't have the power to change a person without their willingness.  With his passing, I thought my days of being a caregiver were over and a new start, a brighter future would be in my path with my own family, that is, until Luki's diagnosis was discovered.  I am clearly realizing that one of my life's purpose is to be a caregiver.  How could I even have chosen nursing as a career.  This can't all be coincidental.  I am convinced that being a caregiver in this lifetime is a contract I made with God before I incarnated onto Earth.  I guess on the bright side, that is one thing less I need to ponder and discover about myself. I have found my mission and purpose in life.  .