Mr. Luki poo's first psychological evaluation from the Regional Center.

Lucas finally received his RC evaluation with a psychologist, who by the way initially thought he had Angelman's Syndrome by misreading his Kaiser autism report.  I had my misgivings on her ability to correctly assess him based on this fact but I had to go along - what other options did I have?  The one hour or so evaluation involved her getting a snapshot of Lucas and asking me a lot of questions regarding his development.  At the end of the session, she concluded that Lucas did not have autism and sent us off saying we will wait until next year to see if he has developed autism by then.  I gave her the Dup15q Alliance webpage and told her to read up on his condition.  Good thing I did because when her report came in the mail, she had changed her mind and gave him the diagnosis of autism.  This is when the Alliance website has directly made a difference in Lucas' life and I am so thankful for the information they provide.  It feels as though the psychologist was trying to save face by not giving him the autism diagnosis because realized she goofed when she initially diagnosed him with Angelman Syndrome.

 Is this how it is going to be in the future?  Am I going to have to fight and deal with incompetent or careless doctors, psychologists, school personnel? What an appropriate challenge God has given me.  I hate fights, arguments and disharmony of any kind, which is probably why my social circle is so small.  Is God trying to push me out of this comfort and challenging me become more assertive, aggressive, war-like?  If so, I am about to be shackled by my anger and hatred.  This can't be right.  There must be another lesson in this situation.  Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding?  This can be construed as being a push over by those who are manipulative in nature. Knowing me, I probably would swallow things until I hit that point of no return and have a complete meltdown (by myself in a closet).

Up next, an independent assessment by the school district on Monday.  This will be so crucial in what school and program he gets into starting in May.  Thoughts about his placement has brought  up anxiety and worry because I am concerned about his safety.  He walks quite a bit now, but his motor planning and stability are still weak.  I counted his falling at least 20 times during his 2 hour session at The Centro and that's with me shadowing him.  I would not feel comfortable sending him off alone to preschool unless a 1:1 is provided.  Even so, I worry about how caring and attentive the staff will be with him.  Will they understand him and anticipate his needs like I do? Even I can't stop his crying meltdowns sometimes because I just don't know what he needs and what bothers him; how would someone who doesn't "get him" handle the situation? Would they say he has behavioral issues and suggest medication  (a no go with me on this issue)?  So yes, I am having a hard time letting him go.  A few weeks ago, I had a dream where he was being attended to by someone else and I can't quite remember all the details but I woke up in tears feeling so sad for him that I was not the one who was taking care of him.

Another worry I have (perhaps unnecessary) is that I feel maybe I am not being social enough with the other mothers in class.  I get so caught up with trying to keep Lucas safe that I miss out on a lot of small talk, opportunities to commiserate and uplift each other, which can go a long way in keeping my mood up.  Sometimes, I wonder what other moms think of me and whether they are judging me. It really shouldn't matter, but I always thought I would be friendly with my child's classmate's mothers.  This situation has brought up some old wounds I carry from my days working as a legal secretary when I was basically left out of the office staff's social outings, gossip and other small talk.  I was basically looked upon as a freak and treated as an outcast because my main agenda to go to work was..well, to work.  I endured the mistreatment for over 2 years and I wished to quit on many occasions but at the time, I needed that job as it was just before my dad's cancer diagnosis and I was supporting him.  I still get feelings of rage when I think of those days and I wish I had spoken up or gave back some of the meanness they dished out to me.   At the time, I believed my work would show for itself and the bosses would recognize this and besides, I didn't want unnecessary drama to complicate my already very complicated life back then.  Shows how wrong I was because they ended up firing me...That is another topic worthy of another blog and I don't want to get into it here.

So, namaste, God be with my little family, venga a Dios.

....oh wait, some more pictures of Lucas, of course..

Lucas recently had a play date with my coworker, Elaine's son at the Magical Playground and had a blast!

  

Lucas always likes to go off away from the playground at school and explore the boiler room and golf carts parked in the lot. 

Here, Lucas shows off his acrobatic skills and his favorite activity in the whole wide world - playing with water!